This week was a doozy. While no actual harm, or lasting damage, was done, it was emotionally taxing. It stretched Michael & mine’s parenting skills and our faith.
Portrait by Ted
The adults had colds. Michael lost his wallet. Ted was experimenting with unsafe choices. The house was a mess. Everything felt overwhelming.
Needless to say, we were ready to reset over the weekend. This weekend we’re celebrating Michael’s birthday, unplugging, and getting the house in order. Some quality time as a family will build relationships and a clean house will give us a good start for next week.
Built a Teddy tower
Not every day/week/month is Pinterest perfect, and that’s okay. It is important to acknowledge the difficult times, while doing what we can to turn it around.
Working out after baby is one of the strangest experiences! You’re body has just gone through some pretty traumatic stuff. No matter how easy your labor & delivery was, you still went through 9 months of changes growing a human being, and brought them into this world! (Sorry, not sorry for all of the exclamation points, this is a big deal!!)
2017 – post Half Marathon training & pre children
So even for the fittest of people, which I am not, it takes a while to get back to your previous strength. Plan on going slow so that you can build a foundation of strength, rather than rushing back and potentially injuring yourself. After healing from. both vaginal delivery and C-section, these steps are SO important to both kinds of recovery.
I know you may be thinking, who is Maria to tell me all of this? She isn’t a fitness guru. She doesn’t have a degree in kinesthetics. She doesn’t even like working out. All of this is true. What I do have is a passion for learning and gathering information. I have been doing Elise’s Postnatal Barre program since I was cleared to workout after having Lottie, at 8 weeks. Last week I returned to her Barre Blend program because I felt prepared and strong enough to do so.
12 weeks postpartum with Baby #3
So here are some actual experts in the field who can give you exact plans to follow!
Expecting & Empowered – Krystle & Amy are a sister team; Krystle is a PT, PCES, Amy is an RN & Doula. They have a podcast where they discuss all things postpartum care, and an app with their fitness programs.
Elise Joan: Pre/Postnatal Barre – Elise is a dancer and fitness trainer. She has multiple programs for pre/postnatal moms, that focus not just on the physical recovery, but the mental as well.
MamasteFit – Gina & Roxanne are a sister team; Gina is a MS in Exercise Science & Doula, Roxanne is a L&D nurse. They co-own a gym here in NC, as well as have multiple birth prep & postpartum online classes.
This month has been full of holidays, travel, new baby, and toddler shenanigans.
Lottie started rolling from front to back this week. 😳 She has started losing her ‘newborn look’ and is looking more and more like an infant each day. We are starting to introduce the bottle once a day next week, I’ll let you know how that goes.
When Ted was born, I was working, so I pumped & he took bottles at childcare during the day. Jr was born in 2020, so he was with me 24/7 and we didn’t need to pump/bottle, but that meant he was with me ALL THE TIME, even as he got older. So we decided that we’d do a mix with Lottie, so I could go out alone as needed, while not having to wash bottles 900 times a day.
We had a very merry Christmas, and the boys have had a blast playing with their toys since we got home from Grandma & Grandpa’s house. We went with minimal, high impact toys this year, that I know will bring hours and hours of creative play.
There has also been meltdowns a plenty. The holidays being BIG emotions all around & it is easy to be overwhelmed. I know I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and am easily overwhelmed by sounds and visual stimulation, and I think some of my kids are too. We need to take sensory breaks throughout long visits, usually in a quiet place without a lot of other people, to recenter ourselves. This is much easier to do in the summer when we can go outside for a walk, to work in the garden, or play in the sandbox, but is much tougher when the weather is single digits °F and the house is full of people.
We have been taking the end part of this week to decompress and get back into our routines. We don’t have any family plans to travel again until summer, so we will have plenty of time to get ourselves figured out.
Congratulations! A new baby in the family is a special time. It can feel overwhelming knowing that your child won’t be the only baby anymore.
What if I can’t spend as much time with my older child? What if they don’t get along? What if my older child feels jealous/left out? What if my older child plays too rough with the baby? How will I split my time/attention/love between two (or more) kids? All of these are valid concerns. Let’s dive in!
Lottie joining our family
Time
When it comes to time, you will be splitting it up as you add more children to your home. And, luckily, it quality over quantity to that matters. Even 5-10 minutes of quality 1:1 time per child makes a huge difference! What makes it work is the quality of the time. Use naptime, when another adult has the baby, or when they are contently in a swing/play gym. Get rid of all distractions and be as mentally present as possible; I promise 5 mins away from your phone or not thinking about the laundry list of chores to do won’t be as catastrophic as it feels.
There are also some key moments in the day to tune in to. They are the 3 mins after they wake up, after they get home from school/daycare (if applicable), and before bed. When you make an effort to connect at these key times, you’ll see your relationship continue to grow, even when your time is split.
Jr and Lottie spending some quality time together.
Jealousy
This one is tricky. It is a HUGE shift, no matter how many kids you have, to add a new member to the family. Feelings of jealousy and resentment are totally normal. It is okay for your other child(ren) to feel jealous. Heck, we often feel jealous as adults! I love the ‘The Way I Feel’ series by Cornelia Maude Spelman as a way to introduce and learn about uncomfortable feelings.
It is important to distinguish the difference between all FEELINGS are okay and all BEHAVIORS are not. Giving kids the tools to communicate how they are feeling without hitting/biting/etc is an important step that we often forget.
The boys designed a cake to celebrate Lottie’s birthday!
Rough Play
The thing you’ll hear me say over and over again is modeling. This one starts long before baby gets home and applies to more than just baby! We talk about using gentle hands with mom & dad, family members, friends, and our toys. These skills directly transfer to new baby, as long as we directly teach it. This can be as simple as saying ‘I see you playing so gently with your stuffies. That’s just what to do with Baby Sister!’
It is also vital to give them an outlet for that energy, so that they can control themselves around the baby. We make a point to get outside every day, as well as have some gross motor activities that we can do inside.
Teddy & Jr reading together.
Regresssions
Another common side effect of the chaos that is bringing home a new sibling is regressions in skills. Usually the most recently acquired skill is the first to regress. Some examples include verbal (using words to express thoughts/ideas/needs), toilet mastery (accidents, wanting to be in diapers again, etc), social-emotional (hitting/biting when frustrated, increased meltdowns), or an increase in new fears (scared of the dark/heights/etc).
While it can be frustrating for us, and they are ‘too old’ for these behaviors, it is important that we support them by looking through the behavior to the need behind it. They are feeling scared, unsure, out of control, or lonely. Validating those feelings, while giving them the tools that they need is our goal. It may feel like we are coddling them or encouraging the regressions at first, but by acknowledging that they are struggling, we are giving them the security that they need to feel confident in their new roles.
Last week we had the pleasure of welcoming the newest member of our family to the world! Miss Lottie was born via Emergency C-section last Thursday and we have spent the last week adjusting to our new roles & recovering.
The boys absolutely adore Lottie. Jr is always asking to hold her and Ted shows her off to all of his friends. They are not as thrilled by Mama’s recovery & inability to do her usual Mama things (bedtime, carrying kids, playing outside, etc).
I have been recovering well (I think) considering I’ve never had a C-section before and was completely unprepared for what that would be like. I’m still pretty sore, but I did just have major abdominal surgery (Did you know they cut through 7 different layers of tissue? 7?!) so I guess that’s typical. I’m hoping to get back to some of my regular daily activities this next week. I really miss walking Ted to school and putting the boys down for bed.
Wednesday morning I woke up after having a dream that my water broke, which felt telling considering that we were 40+3 at that point. Throughout the rest of the day I felt like I was leaking fluid, but wasn’t sure if it was amniotic fluid or not. The same thing happened with Jr, only this was a continuous leak rather than just when I put pressure on my pelvic floor, which was new. Around dinner time contractions started & had picked up from the Braxton Hicks I had felt on Sunday night. After almost 2 hours of that, combined with the leaking, we decided to go in to Labor & Delivery.
Last bump photo, a whole week before she came!
When we came in everything was good, but we were only at 3cm dilated. The doctor’s talked is through the options of letting labor progress naturally or starting Pictocin right away. We decided to give it a few hours to see how quickly we progressed. In hindsight, I probably should have taken this opportunity to walk the halls, bounce on the birthing ball, take a warm shower, or some other early labor techniques, but I didn’t. It was 9pm (which is my old lady bedtime) and we just watched some trash tv and tried to catch some sleep before the contractions got too intense.
Trying to catch some sleep before labor got too intense.
By midnight we had made it to almost 5cm, but because my water had been leaking all day, we needed to move faster to make sure she didn’t lose too much fluid. So we started Pictocin. It did it’s job and bumped up the frequency & intensity of the contractions. Charlotte did NOT like that. While I am extremely grateful for modern medicine, about every negative side effect of Pictocin happened. Every time I contracted her heart rate would drop (Ted did the same thing), but the contractions were so frequent she didn’t have recovery time between them. After her heart rate dropped to the 40s, they decided it was time to get her out!
Note: I had NOT had an epidural at this point, so as they wheeled me in and were prepping my body for surgery, I was still feeling every single thing. 😬
Little Lottie
Because of the urgency of getting her here safely, I was put under general anesthesia instead of waiting for an epidural. This meant that I was not awake during the procedure, or immediately after. Michael was able to do skin to skin as soon as they brought her back to him. Also, because it was an emergency, Michael wasn’t allowed in the OR with us.
By the time I woke up it was nearly 2am & it was all a bit of a blur. I got to hold her, then they transferred us to the Mom & Baby ward where we set up camp for the next few days.
Lottie’s blessing at 1 month old
Overall, this recovery has been a whole lot harder; from the physical recovery from major abdominal surgery, to the mental/emotional of having an (obviously) unexpected emergency C-section. We are taking it a day at a time and focused on slow, steady healing.
It’s Baby Week! Well, maybe. Technically she’s due tomorrow, but who knows when she’ll arrive.
This week I had to go back and read my Hospital Bag post from 2 years ago to remember what to pack for this go ‘round. 😅 There are a few things that I’m adding, so I’ll do an updated post about that coming up. I also switched up some of my postpartum must haves, and I’ll let you know which I prefer.
This pregnancy has been my easiest, as far as her & I are concerned. Least nausea, least sciatica, least SPD. HOWEVER, being in the 3rd trimester while moving and chasing after 2 young children is no joke. While I have felt good, I have been unable to keep up with their activity levels and that has been SO frustrating. As we have entered the final week(s) I keep reminding the boys, and myself, that I’ll be back to playing (slowly) soon!
We have done a lot of prep work to get the boys ready to be big brothers. From reading books, to pretend play, to planning her ‘birthday party’. We have been making the transition as fun as we can, while also holding space for the big feelings that will come from it. There’s a blog post coming all about this transition too!
Overall, impending baby has been the #1 focus around here and we cannot wait for her to arrive!
Michael was gone for CTE the last 10 days. The first week we did great! Our routines held us through the transition and helped keep things from feeling too ‘different’.
There were some moments of big emotions and missing Papa, but overall we were on top of things. Until both boys got sick. Then everything hit the fan. Ted was out of school for 4 days, due to an on/off fever. Neither boy was sleeping well, so neither was I (which is extra awful when you’re 37 weeks pregnant). We were blessed enough to have my Mother in Law visiting those 4 days, so we weren’t totally up the creek, but it definitely threw us off.
Now that we’re all feeling better, and Michael is home, we are ready to have a fresh start into our routines before Baby Girl gets here & throws it all out of whack again!
Moving is hard! Especially when you have kids. It’s not only challenging to manage and organize, it’s also takes emotional toll. We are in the process of moving from Vermont to Texas, with a 2 year old and a 9 week old! We’re only a little crazy.
So I started this particular post almost 2 years ago when we moved to Texas, but life got crazy & I never finished it. Oops! Here we are 2 years later mid-move from Texas to North Carolina, with our now 4 year old, 2 year old, and Baby Girl due in October. If that doesn’t tell you how hectic moving with kids is, I don’t know what will.
We have been in our house on Fort Bragg for about a week now, and things are finally feeling settled. It took about 6 weeks from the time we left our house in Texas to getting our house on Bragg. Yikes! We spent that time bouncing around from hotels, to my in-laws, and even some time with Michael’s brother’s family. We are so grateful for our family’s support during this crazy time.
Here are my top tips for moving with kids.
Make a binder. Keep all receipts, hotel confirmations, moving paperwork (government or DITY), any personal/military paperwork you’ll need (orders, housing, birth certificates, pet’s vet records, etc). You can also keep any packing organization you’ve used (color coded rooms, etc) in this folder. It feels a little over the top, but future you will thank you for keeping everything available and organized.Medical Records. This goes along with #1, but make sure you have immunization records, recent physicals, etc for all of your kids, especially if you’re moving near the beginning of school. Trying to arrange new patient appointments quickly after a move can be a huge added stress. (Trust me on this one. 😅 There’s nothing worse than realizing your kid needs some shots before school starts, but the next available appointment isn’t until a month later.)Prepare for ALL of the emotions (adults and kiddos alike!). Mallory at ditymama.com has the awesome blog post specifically about supporting kids emotionally through the PCS process. If you want more specific strategies, hop on over to my business website to get a Personalized Parenting Plan where we can create a custom plan for your family.Minimize. I love the book Cozy Minimalist Home by Myquillyn Smith, and have been working to apply the principles to all of our living spaces. Having less, more purposeful, things makes moving all of those things much easier. Doing 2 cross country moves in as many years made us really think ‘Is this worth hauling halfway across the country?!’ and if the answer wasn’t a resounding ‘YES!’ we chucked (or donated) it.Breathe. This can be a stressful process. Making time to do the things that center you can make all of the difference. That could be journaling, yoga, meditation, running, making pinboards on Pinterest of your dream home, whatever works for you.
I hope these tips help your move to go smoothly. There will be things beyond your control, but by keeping these 5 things in mind, you can make the process a little bit easier.
Wowee! The last two weeks have been busy. I feel like I am always saying that, but we’re always busy. 🤪
This was Ted’s first week at PreK. It went as well as expected. No tears, but some big feelings. He was nervous/scared, and a little hesitant, but would walk to his class with his teacher. She said that he does great in class, it’s just the initial separation that gets him. I figured as much, and we practiced confident, loving ‘see you laters’ all week.
Next week will be a whole new beast, as Michael will be away for training. We’ve had just over a month of all of us living under one roof again, so the 2 weeks he’s gone will be hard. I fully expect some major meltdowns, and we are doing lots of prep work (mentally and emotionally) before he leaves.
Something that has helped me a TON has been the concept of minimalism in motherhood. Not the ‘I can only own 4 shirts and 2 pants’ level of minimalism, but the ‘we have enough & any more stuff will be overwhelming’ kind of minimalism. We are still in the process of paring down and rotating the toys, but even by having less available, they get deeper creative play. It also makes it less effort to keep tidy, which leaves more energy for the fun stuff.
Living in Plaid 