This week we got to use the new rain boots & raincoats that the boys got for Christmas, as well as get out the rain cover for the stroller. While the winter here in North Carolina isn’t terribly cold, it has been fairly wet. They got new rain gear in preparation for outdoor play, as well as walking to & from school.
Picking up Ted in a rainstorm.
I have LOVED living around the block from Ted’s school because it forces us to get outside every day. Not only is it faster for us to walk than it would be to drive, we are a one car family. This is still a fairly new concept for us, since we have always had our own cars. But we sold Michael’s when we moved & he deployed, and when mine died last year, we replaced it with one that would fit our growing family.
Mixing brown matter into the clay, so it will drain.
The mildness of NC winters also has us prepping for spring already! Ted and I started our vegetable seeds (indoors) yesterday. We’ve got tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers. This afternoon we’re working on building our raised bed in the backyard.
When Ted was 10 months old Michael’s National Guard unit had JRTC, so he was away for a month. It was the first time he was gone longer than a weekend since Ted was born & I was teaching full time (with an hour commute). Needless to say, I didn’t have a lot of extra time on my hands. I was looking for any way to cut back on time consumers as much as possible. One of the big time ‘wasters’ was how long it took to wash, dry, & style my hair.
2 months after starting, my hair was so healthy!
In my search to find ways to minimize the time I spent on my hair, I found Jasmine Rae Hair Co & her hair training method. When I started I was going 2-3 days, 4 if it was a weekend, between hair washes. Jasmine teaches the science behind scalp stimulation, oil distribution, and hair types.
For me, that meant using dry shampoo in my bedtime routine (so that it could really soak in overnight), using a boar bristle brush to move oils down the hair shaft, and adding a day between washes every week. For example, if you are washing every day, do every other day for a week. If you was every other day, do every 3 days, and so on. This gives your scalp time to realize that it doesn’t need to produce as much oil, since you’re not stripping it every day.
2.5 years later, and over a year between trims.
The longest I’ve ever gone was 16 days (April 2020 was a wild time!), but I usually wash once a week. I can push to 10 days if I have an event or something (or if mom life is overwhelming). This has allowed my hair to grow more quickly, healthier, and be easier to maintain. Other things that I’ve done to help this process are: use a silk pillowcase, use a scalp massager in the shower, and invest in high quality hair products. I don’t feel as bad spending $$ on expensive shampoo if I’m only using it once a week.
I am continuously working to simplify our life, so we can spend more time doing the things we love. This is especially important when I’m solo parenting, and time is a luxury. I love finding ways to make life easier, and sharing them with you!
This week was a doozy. While no actual harm, or lasting damage, was done, it was emotionally taxing. It stretched Michael & mine’s parenting skills and our faith.
Portrait by Ted
The adults had colds. Michael lost his wallet. Ted was experimenting with unsafe choices. The house was a mess. Everything felt overwhelming.
Needless to say, we were ready to reset over the weekend. This weekend we’re celebrating Michael’s birthday, unplugging, and getting the house in order. Some quality time as a family will build relationships and a clean house will give us a good start for next week.
Built a Teddy tower
Not every day/week/month is Pinterest perfect, and that’s okay. It is important to acknowledge the difficult times, while doing what we can to turn it around.
Congratulations! A new baby in the family is a special time. It can feel overwhelming knowing that your child won’t be the only baby anymore.
What if I can’t spend as much time with my older child? What if they don’t get along? What if my older child feels jealous/left out? What if my older child plays too rough with the baby? How will I split my time/attention/love between two (or more) kids? All of these are valid concerns. Let’s dive in!
Lottie joining our family
Time
When it comes to time, you will be splitting it up as you add more children to your home. And, luckily, it quality over quantity to that matters. Even 5-10 minutes of quality 1:1 time per child makes a huge difference! What makes it work is the quality of the time. Use naptime, when another adult has the baby, or when they are contently in a swing/play gym. Get rid of all distractions and be as mentally present as possible; I promise 5 mins away from your phone or not thinking about the laundry list of chores to do won’t be as catastrophic as it feels.
There are also some key moments in the day to tune in to. They are the 3 mins after they wake up, after they get home from school/daycare (if applicable), and before bed. When you make an effort to connect at these key times, you’ll see your relationship continue to grow, even when your time is split.
Jr and Lottie spending some quality time together.
Jealousy
This one is tricky. It is a HUGE shift, no matter how many kids you have, to add a new member to the family. Feelings of jealousy and resentment are totally normal. It is okay for your other child(ren) to feel jealous. Heck, we often feel jealous as adults! I love the ‘The Way I Feel’ series by Cornelia Maude Spelman as a way to introduce and learn about uncomfortable feelings.
It is important to distinguish the difference between all FEELINGS are okay and all BEHAVIORS are not. Giving kids the tools to communicate how they are feeling without hitting/biting/etc is an important step that we often forget.
The boys designed a cake to celebrate Lottie’s birthday!
Rough Play
The thing you’ll hear me say over and over again is modeling. This one starts long before baby gets home and applies to more than just baby! We talk about using gentle hands with mom & dad, family members, friends, and our toys. These skills directly transfer to new baby, as long as we directly teach it. This can be as simple as saying ‘I see you playing so gently with your stuffies. That’s just what to do with Baby Sister!’
It is also vital to give them an outlet for that energy, so that they can control themselves around the baby. We make a point to get outside every day, as well as have some gross motor activities that we can do inside.
Teddy & Jr reading together.
Regresssions
Another common side effect of the chaos that is bringing home a new sibling is regressions in skills. Usually the most recently acquired skill is the first to regress. Some examples include verbal (using words to express thoughts/ideas/needs), toilet mastery (accidents, wanting to be in diapers again, etc), social-emotional (hitting/biting when frustrated, increased meltdowns), or an increase in new fears (scared of the dark/heights/etc).
While it can be frustrating for us, and they are ‘too old’ for these behaviors, it is important that we support them by looking through the behavior to the need behind it. They are feeling scared, unsure, out of control, or lonely. Validating those feelings, while giving them the tools that they need is our goal. It may feel like we are coddling them or encouraging the regressions at first, but by acknowledging that they are struggling, we are giving them the security that they need to feel confident in their new roles.
Last week we had the pleasure of welcoming the newest member of our family to the world! Miss Lottie was born via Emergency C-section last Thursday and we have spent the last week adjusting to our new roles & recovering.
The boys absolutely adore Lottie. Jr is always asking to hold her and Ted shows her off to all of his friends. They are not as thrilled by Mama’s recovery & inability to do her usual Mama things (bedtime, carrying kids, playing outside, etc).
I have been recovering well (I think) considering I’ve never had a C-section before and was completely unprepared for what that would be like. I’m still pretty sore, but I did just have major abdominal surgery (Did you know they cut through 7 different layers of tissue? 7?!) so I guess that’s typical. I’m hoping to get back to some of my regular daily activities this next week. I really miss walking Ted to school and putting the boys down for bed.
It’s Baby Week! Well, maybe. Technically she’s due tomorrow, but who knows when she’ll arrive.
This week I had to go back and read my Hospital Bag post from 2 years ago to remember what to pack for this go ‘round. 😅 There are a few things that I’m adding, so I’ll do an updated post about that coming up. I also switched up some of my postpartum must haves, and I’ll let you know which I prefer.
This pregnancy has been my easiest, as far as her & I are concerned. Least nausea, least sciatica, least SPD. HOWEVER, being in the 3rd trimester while moving and chasing after 2 young children is no joke. While I have felt good, I have been unable to keep up with their activity levels and that has been SO frustrating. As we have entered the final week(s) I keep reminding the boys, and myself, that I’ll be back to playing (slowly) soon!
We have done a lot of prep work to get the boys ready to be big brothers. From reading books, to pretend play, to planning her ‘birthday party’. We have been making the transition as fun as we can, while also holding space for the big feelings that will come from it. There’s a blog post coming all about this transition too!
Overall, impending baby has been the #1 focus around here and we cannot wait for her to arrive!
Michael was gone for CTE the last 10 days. The first week we did great! Our routines held us through the transition and helped keep things from feeling too ‘different’.
There were some moments of big emotions and missing Papa, but overall we were on top of things. Until both boys got sick. Then everything hit the fan. Ted was out of school for 4 days, due to an on/off fever. Neither boy was sleeping well, so neither was I (which is extra awful when you’re 37 weeks pregnant). We were blessed enough to have my Mother in Law visiting those 4 days, so we weren’t totally up the creek, but it definitely threw us off.
Now that we’re all feeling better, and Michael is home, we are ready to have a fresh start into our routines before Baby Girl gets here & throws it all out of whack again!
Moving is hard! Especially when you have kids. It’s not only challenging to manage and organize, it’s also takes emotional toll. We are in the process of moving from Vermont to Texas, with a 2 year old and a 9 week old! We’re only a little crazy.
So I started this particular post almost 2 years ago when we moved to Texas, but life got crazy & I never finished it. Oops! Here we are 2 years later mid-move from Texas to North Carolina, with our now 4 year old, 2 year old, and Baby Girl due in October. If that doesn’t tell you how hectic moving with kids is, I don’t know what will.
We have been in our house on Fort Bragg for about a week now, and things are finally feeling settled. It took about 6 weeks from the time we left our house in Texas to getting our house on Bragg. Yikes! We spent that time bouncing around from hotels, to my in-laws, and even some time with Michael’s brother’s family. We are so grateful for our family’s support during this crazy time.
Here are my top tips for moving with kids.
Make a binder. Keep all receipts, hotel confirmations, moving paperwork (government or DITY), any personal/military paperwork you’ll need (orders, housing, birth certificates, pet’s vet records, etc). You can also keep any packing organization you’ve used (color coded rooms, etc) in this folder. It feels a little over the top, but future you will thank you for keeping everything available and organized.Medical Records. This goes along with #1, but make sure you have immunization records, recent physicals, etc for all of your kids, especially if you’re moving near the beginning of school. Trying to arrange new patient appointments quickly after a move can be a huge added stress. (Trust me on this one. 😅 There’s nothing worse than realizing your kid needs some shots before school starts, but the next available appointment isn’t until a month later.)Prepare for ALL of the emotions (adults and kiddos alike!). Mallory at ditymama.com has the awesome blog post specifically about supporting kids emotionally through the PCS process. If you want more specific strategies, hop on over to my business website to get a Personalized Parenting Plan where we can create a custom plan for your family.Minimize. I love the book Cozy Minimalist Home by Myquillyn Smith, and have been working to apply the principles to all of our living spaces. Having less, more purposeful, things makes moving all of those things much easier. Doing 2 cross country moves in as many years made us really think ‘Is this worth hauling halfway across the country?!’ and if the answer wasn’t a resounding ‘YES!’ we chucked (or donated) it.Breathe. This can be a stressful process. Making time to do the things that center you can make all of the difference. That could be journaling, yoga, meditation, running, making pinboards on Pinterest of your dream home, whatever works for you.
I hope these tips help your move to go smoothly. There will be things beyond your control, but by keeping these 5 things in mind, you can make the process a little bit easier.
Minimalism is a trend that has been in and out of popularity recently. I love the book The Cozy Minimalist by Myquillyn Smith; it is all about how to merge minimalism (the art of having enough) and hygge (the Danish culture of coziness). Minimalism and kids seems laughable; kids come with so much stuff! But a lot of the things that we ‘need’ for our kids, are not actually needed. A few open ended toys that are age appropriate are all that they need to set their imaginations on fire. We are making sure to have some toys that are specific interest to our kiddos right now, but they could vary depending on what their interests are.
This is extra relevant to us, as we prepare to move across the country with only what we can fit in our SUV and that is all we will have for 6-8 weeks, until our furniture and things arrive in the moving truck. We plan on bringing a dozen or so books, and a dozen or so toys for them to use until August. (See list at the end of this post for more details). To prepare ourselves for the move, the boys and I have been slowly but surely going through our things (clothes, books, toys, household goods) and deciding what is worth waiting two months for. Everything else is either going in the trash (non-reusable) or taken for donation. I think we have made 3 trips to Goodwill this week.
Fewer toys mean deeper, more meaningful play with the toys that they have.
Teddy (4, next month) is right on the cusp of understanding what it means to donate our things. I have included him in helping me to pack up the boxes of my things to take. Modeling is the best teacher after all! He isn’t quite ready to donate his own things yet, so that I have taken the lead on. It has been mostly books that they do not read or aren’t developmentally appropriate (a lot of 3rd/4th grade books from my teaching days), or toys that they have outgrown.
Jr (2, next month) has no idea what is going on, so I make a point to narrate what we are doing when we put the boxes in the car and drop them off at the donation center. Hearing the words associated with the action, and describing why we do it will help him to build an understanding of the joys of giving. This is something that we also do as a family around Christmastime.
My challenge to you is to find that balance of ‘enough’. Not so much that you’re overwhelmed by things, and mess, and constantly picking up. Not so little that your life feels empty and devoid of love. Just enough.
My boys will play with dinosaurs for hours.
Toys we are bringing with us
Magnetic tiles – Both boys love building with these! We have a combination of different brands of these, and they are all wonderful. The Picasso tiles came with a booklet of ideas for building that has inspired Ted a lot!
Dinosaur figures – Both boys are currently obsessed with dinosaurs. The figures are by far one of their most used toys.
Foam blocks – These foam building blocks are some of my favorites because they are soft and quiet when my little Godzillas decide to destroy Tokyo.
Monster trucks – They love playing with these indoors and out.
Lovevery kit – Jr got his most recent Lovevery box last week, and all of the toys in it are interesting for both boys. They use the animal figurines in their Dino/monster truck play. They like making different designs with the pegboard. Jr loves practicing his buckling skills with the buckle pillow.
Play tunnel – This collapsable tunnel doesn’t take up much space (great for our move) and provides a wonderful opportunity for gross motor and sensory play, when I know that our furniture will be limited.
Having spent the better part of the last year & a half as the only adult in the house, I can tell you that it takes about 4.2 seconds for two kids under 4 to destroy everything. While there are some tasks that they can help with (cleaning up the playroom, for example) there are some things that have to be done, or at least facilitated, by the adults. It can easily become overwhelming to juggle all of the daily, weekly, and monthly tasks to keep a house running.
My friend Terena created a Home Systems Planner to keep everything organized. Her planner includes everything from cleaning schedules, routines, meal prep, and beyond. I use the goals sheets, routine sheets, and yearly cleaning sheet to keep myself organized and on top of our daily needs. The biggest hurdles (for me) are keeping up with dishes and laundry. With only me & the boys it doesn’t feel like we have enough to do a whole load every single day, so I end up putting it off, which leads to having it piled up. Oops. So with Terena’s goals sheets I have made it my goal to run & put away a load of each every single day. Some days that means that the dishwasher will run a half a load, which feels wasteful and annoying, but it means that our house is staying in shape and manageable. So I’ll take it.
Another system that makes our lives a million times easier is decluttering. When you have less stuff, it is easier to pick it all up. I know Marie Kondo was all the rage (do people still say that?) a couple of years ago & I still live by many of her principles. Whenever I fold & put away laundry, I ask myself ‘Do I love this? Do I feel good in this?’ If the answer isn’t a resounding ‘Yes!’, it goes in the donate box. The same goes for the boys’ clothes.
When it comes to books & toys I start with ‘Is this broken?’ If not, how often do they play with it? Sometimes it’s a matter of switching it out in our toy rotation, but other times it’s something that they have outgrown, or have multiples of. We talk about our donations, what they are, who they are going to, and why we donate the things we are no longer using. As they get older, and this becomes more familiar, they are going to help be a part of the decision and donate process. Specifically around birthdays and holidays, when we know an influx of new things is coming, it will be important to make room for those things.
Living in Plaid 