Tag: new mom

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Postpartum Fitness

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Working out after baby is one of the strangest experiences! You’re body has just gone through some pretty traumatic stuff. No matter how easy your labor & delivery was, you still went through 9 months of changes growing a human being, and brought them into this world! (Sorry, not sorry for all of the exclamation points, this is a big deal!!)

2017 – post Half Marathon training & pre children

So even for the fittest of people, which I am not, it takes a while to get back to your previous strength. Plan on going slow so that you can build a foundation of strength, rather than rushing back and potentially injuring yourself. After healing from. both vaginal delivery and C-section, these steps are SO important to both kinds of recovery.

I know you may be thinking, who is Maria to tell me all of this? She isn’t a fitness guru. She doesn’t have a degree in kinesthetics. She doesn’t even like working out. All of this is true. What I do have is a passion for learning and gathering information. I have been doing Elise’s Postnatal Barre program since I was cleared to workout after having Lottie, at 8 weeks. Last week I returned to her Barre Blend program because I felt prepared and strong enough to do so.

12 weeks postpartum with Baby #3

So here are some actual experts in the field who can give you exact plans to follow!

Expecting & Empowered – Krystle & Amy are a sister team; Krystle is a PT, PCES, Amy is an RN & Doula. They have a podcast where they discuss all things postpartum care, and an app with their fitness programs.

Elise Joan: Pre/Postnatal Barre – Elise is a dancer and fitness trainer. She has multiple programs for pre/postnatal moms, that focus not just on the physical recovery, but the mental as well.

MamasteFit – Gina & Roxanne are a sister team; Gina is a MS in Exercise Science & Doula, Roxanne is a L&D nurse. They co-own a gym here in NC, as well as have multiple birth prep & postpartum online classes.

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Introducing a New Sibling

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Congratulations! A new baby in the family is a special time. It can feel overwhelming knowing that your child won’t be the only baby anymore.

What if I can’t spend as much time with my older child? What if they don’t get along? What if my older child feels jealous/left out? What if my older child plays too rough with the baby? How will I split my time/attention/love between two (or more) kids? All of these are valid concerns. Let’s dive in!

Lottie joining our family

Time

When it comes to time, you will be splitting it up as you add more children to your home. And, luckily, it quality over quantity to that matters. Even 5-10 minutes of quality 1:1 time per child makes a huge difference! What makes it work is the quality of the time. Use naptime, when another adult has the baby, or when they are contently in a swing/play gym. Get rid of all distractions and be as mentally present as possible; I promise 5 mins away from your phone or not thinking about the laundry list of chores to do won’t be as catastrophic as it feels.

There are also some key moments in the day to tune in to. They are the 3 mins after they wake up, after they get home from school/daycare (if applicable), and before bed. When you make an effort to connect at these key times, you’ll see your relationship continue to grow, even when your time is split.

Jr and Lottie spending some quality time together.

Jealousy

This one is tricky. It is a HUGE shift, no matter how many kids you have, to add a new member to the family. Feelings of jealousy and resentment are totally normal. It is okay for your other child(ren) to feel jealous. Heck, we often feel jealous as adults! I love the ‘The Way I Feel’ series by Cornelia Maude Spelman as a way to introduce and learn about uncomfortable feelings.

It is important to distinguish the difference between all FEELINGS are okay and all BEHAVIORS are not. Giving kids the tools to communicate how they are feeling without hitting/biting/etc is an important step that we often forget.

The boys designed a cake to celebrate Lottie’s birthday!

Rough Play

The thing you’ll hear me say over and over again is modeling. This one starts long before baby gets home and applies to more than just baby! We talk about using gentle hands with mom & dad, family members, friends, and our toys. These skills directly transfer to new baby, as long as we directly teach it. This can be as simple as saying ‘I see you playing so gently with your stuffies. That’s just what to do with Baby Sister!’

It is also vital to give them an outlet for that energy, so that they can control themselves around the baby. We make a point to get outside every day, as well as have some gross motor activities that we can do inside.

Teddy & Jr reading together.

Regresssions

Another common side effect of the chaos that is bringing home a new sibling is regressions in skills. Usually the most recently acquired skill is the first to regress. Some examples include verbal (using words to express thoughts/ideas/needs), toilet mastery (accidents, wanting to be in diapers again, etc), social-emotional (hitting/biting when frustrated, increased meltdowns), or an increase in new fears (scared of the dark/heights/etc).

While it can be frustrating for us, and they are ‘too old’ for these behaviors, it is important that we support them by looking through the behavior to the need behind it. They are feeling scared, unsure, out of control, or lonely. Validating those feelings, while giving them the tools that they need is our goal. It may feel like we are coddling them or encouraging the regressions at first, but by acknowledging that they are struggling, we are giving them the security that they need to feel confident in their new roles.

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: October 22, 2022

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Last week we had the pleasure of welcoming the newest member of our family to the world! Miss Lottie was born via Emergency C-section last Thursday and we have spent the last week adjusting to our new roles & recovering.

The boys absolutely adore Lottie. Jr is always asking to hold her and Ted shows her off to all of his friends. They are not as thrilled by Mama’s recovery & inability to do her usual Mama things (bedtime, carrying kids, playing outside, etc).

I have been recovering well (I think) considering I’ve never had a C-section before and was completely unprepared for what that would be like. I’m still pretty sore, but I did just have major abdominal surgery (Did you know they cut through 7 different layers of tissue? 7?!) so I guess that’s typical. I’m hoping to get back to some of my regular daily activities this next week. I really miss walking Ted to school and putting the boys down for bed.

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Lottie’s Birth Story

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Wednesday morning I woke up after having a dream that my water broke, which felt telling considering that we were 40+3 at that point. Throughout the rest of the day I felt like I was leaking fluid, but wasn’t sure if it was amniotic fluid or not. The same thing happened with Jr, only this was a continuous leak rather than just when I put pressure on my pelvic floor, which was new. Around dinner time contractions started & had picked up from the Braxton Hicks I had felt on Sunday night. After almost 2 hours of that, combined with the leaking, we decided to go in to Labor & Delivery.

Last bump photo, a whole week before she came!

When we came in everything was good, but we were only at 3cm dilated. The doctor’s talked is through the options of letting labor progress naturally or starting Pictocin right away. We decided to give it a few hours to see how quickly we progressed. In hindsight, I probably should have taken this opportunity to walk the halls, bounce on the birthing ball, take a warm shower, or some other early labor techniques, but I didn’t. It was 9pm (which is my old lady bedtime) and we just watched some trash tv and tried to catch some sleep before the contractions got too intense.

Trying to catch some sleep before labor got too intense.

By midnight we had made it to almost 5cm, but because my water had been leaking all day, we needed to move faster to make sure she didn’t lose too much fluid. So we started Pictocin. It did it’s job and bumped up the frequency & intensity of the contractions. Charlotte did NOT like that. While I am extremely grateful for modern medicine, about every negative side effect of Pictocin happened. Every time I contracted her heart rate would drop (Ted did the same thing), but the contractions were so frequent she didn’t have recovery time between them. After her heart rate dropped to the 40s, they decided it was time to get her out!

Note: I had NOT had an epidural at this point, so as they wheeled me in and were prepping my body for surgery, I was still feeling every single thing. 😬

Little Lottie

Because of the urgency of getting her here safely, I was put under general anesthesia instead of waiting for an epidural. This meant that I was not awake during the procedure, or immediately after. Michael was able to do skin to skin as soon as they brought her back to him. Also, because it was an emergency, Michael wasn’t allowed in the OR with us.

By the time I woke up it was nearly 2am & it was all a bit of a blur. I got to hold her, then they transferred us to the Mom & Baby ward where we set up camp for the next few days.

Lottie’s blessing at 1 month old

Overall, this recovery has been a whole lot harder; from the physical recovery from major abdominal surgery, to the mental/emotional of having an (obviously) unexpected emergency C-section. We are taking it a day at a time and focused on slow, steady healing.

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: October 8, 2022

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It’s Baby Week! Well, maybe. Technically she’s due tomorrow, but who knows when she’ll arrive.

This week I had to go back and read my Hospital Bag post from 2 years ago to remember what to pack for this go ‘round. 😅 There are a few things that I’m adding, so I’ll do an updated post about that coming up. I also switched up some of my postpartum must haves, and I’ll let you know which I prefer.

This pregnancy has been my easiest, as far as her & I are concerned. Least nausea, least sciatica, least SPD. HOWEVER, being in the 3rd trimester while moving and chasing after 2 young children is no joke. While I have felt good, I have been unable to keep up with their activity levels and that has been SO frustrating. As we have entered the final week(s) I keep reminding the boys, and myself, that I’ll be back to playing (slowly) soon!

We have done a lot of prep work to get the boys ready to be big brothers. From reading books, to pretend play, to planning her ‘birthday party’. We have been making the transition as fun as we can, while also holding space for the big feelings that will come from it. There’s a blog post coming all about this transition too!

Overall, impending baby has been the #1 focus around here and we cannot wait for her to arrive!

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Discipline, Not Punishment

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This week on Instagram we put a spotlight on the big D. Discipline.

Discipline has gotten a bad rep because most of us associate it with harsh punishments. But have no fear, discipline is NOT the same as punishments. In fact, punishment-free parenting hinges on discipline!

Let’s bring back this form of discipline!

So what’s the difference? Discipline comes from the Latin roots meaning ‘to teach’. We use discipline to set boundaries and teach our children what they need to know. Punishment is defined as ‘the infliction of a penalty as retribution for an offense’. Knowing these two definitions, it is easier to see how one is more effective, in the long term, than the other.

If we aren’t using punishments, what do we do when our child misbehaves? In a word, consequences. There are 3 types of consequences:

1. Natural Consequences. Natural consequences don’t require any intervention on our part, they just happen! Some examples are being cold when you don’t wear a coat, feeling hungry if you don’t eat enough at a meal, scraping your knee when you fall.

2. Logical Consequences. Logical consequences are related, reasonable, respectful actions that we take when our child misbehaves.

They are related to the misbehavior; cleaning up a spill, fixing something that is broken, time away from an activity, etc.

Reasonable means that ‘the punishment fits the crime’ (please excuse the phrase 😅). If a child throws a toy in a temper tantrum, putting ALL of their toys in the trash would be an overreaction. If a child does something dangerous, a more serious consequence is needed.

The hardest part for those of us who are relearning how to parent is respectful. Often we fall into the trap of shaming/blaming the child, when often they literally do not have the brain development to do something else. The easiest comparison I can make is how would you feel, as an adult, if your boss spoke to you that way at work. If you would feel demeaned, condescended, etc. then it is a good idea to check your tone & word choice. I like to pretend I’m David Attenborough and narrating the behaviors of a wild animal. When my tone is neutral, or even curious, it promotes problem solving and let’s them know I’m on their team.

3. Imposed Consequences. These are the most similar to traditional punishments, and I rarely use them. Like, I can’t even think of a time that I have. Most imposed consequences that I’ve seen come from a place of frustration and disregualtion in the parent. If you’re thinking ‘this is me 😬’, we’ve all been there, parenting is hard!

Validating feelings can go a LONG way to helping your child cooperate.

So how do we move from reactionary imposed consequences to calm logical consequences? Planning. Explain your expectations and what the consequence will be BEFORE it happens. Before you get out of the car, ‘We are going to the grocery store. I expect that you’ll stay near me and follow directions. If you are having a hard time with that, you’ll have to sit in the cart.’ Before you get out the bikes, ‘You can ride between the stop sign and the streetlight. If you go beyond that, we will have to come inside.’ This sets them up for success, and they won’t be surprised if you have to enforce those boundaries.

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Quality Time with Your Kids

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Recently on Mr. Chazz’s instagram there was a great conversation about ‘Generational Wealth vs Generational Health’ which boiled down to the quantity of time parents spent at work/home compared to the quality of the time parents spent at home. I thought this topic was so important it needed its own post.

The general consensus by his 230K followers was that the QUALITY of time is more important than the QUANTITY of time that we spend with our families. Whether that means you’re working 12 hour shifts and only have family time on the weekends, or if your deployed and spend 10 months away, or if you’re a Stay At Home Mom and spend all day with your kids, it doesn’t matter too much. It’s how you spend that time that counts.

This feels especially important (and relevant) to our family right now. Michael has spent 14 of the last 16 months away from home, and I have spent ALL of that time with the boys. Michael worries that he has spent too long away & I worry that I am constantly distracted by the 1.3 million things that need to get done each day. I know I have fallen into the trap of feeling like I spend all day with my kids & I just need some time to myself each day (which is true), and I end up justifying not being present and playing with them in the name of ‘me time’. Not my best moments, but recognizing the need for change is the first step.

So now that we know we need to be present with our kids, not just physically there and mentally miles away, how do we do it? Does this mean that I am 100% focused on only my kids from the time I get home until they go to bed? Not necessarily. If that works for you, go for it. When I was teaching I only got about 2 waking hours each weekday with Teddy, so I spent all of those 2 hours doing things with him. But for most of us, that’s not possible.

So how much time DO we need to spend 100% engaged with our kids each day? As little as 5-10 minutes makes a HUGE difference in the lives of our children. Here are my tips to creating the habit of quality time every day.

  1. Start small. Lasting change takes time. Start with 5 minutes a day and build up from there. Some days you’ll need to be done at the end of that time, and other’s you will end up playing for an hour. Set yourself up for success by making your goals achievable.
  2. Start a timer. If you can clear your mind of the millions of tasks that need to be done & immerse yourself in your child’s world for 5 minutes, that will make a world difference to them. By having an end time, it is easier for our brains to be able to put aside the distractions and focus until the timer goes off.
  3. Keep it simple. You don’t have to build elaborate pillow forts or make homemade slime every single day (although those can be fun activities every once in a while). Follow your child’s lead and join in what they are already playing. Snuggle up and read their favorite books together. Get out some crayons and color while chatting about your days. Ted’s favorite is for the whole family to run around the backyard being ‘chased by raptors’ (we’re going through our dinosaur phase).
Cloth Diapers
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Cloth Diapers

MariaLeave a comment

Cloth diapers are making a comeback! As we become more aware of how our decisions impact the environment, and the prices of disposables go through the roof, it makes more sense for us to find ways to save (both money & the Earth!) Not to mention that modern design has made them SO much easier to use than pass generations.

Less than 1 month old Ted was drowning in the adjustable cloth diaper.

We used cloth diapers with Ted starting around 3 months until he was about 2 years old. These worked wonderfully, and we still use them now. However, they were too bulky for when he was a newborn, so until he grew out of size 1 diapers, they were too big. Other brands do make small cloth diapers, so you can go 100% cloth, if you want!

We didn’t cloth nearly as much with Jr, due to sharing a washing machine most of his first year. We have kept out stash and are trying to phase in more cloth diapers now that we are back in our own house. Switching back to cloth has also been helpful as Ted is learning how to use the potty. We are able to do a full load of potty laundry, and it calms my frustrations about accidents and all of the additional laundry.

Let’s talk about overnight. We tried. Double stuffed the diapers, changed him right before bed, and first thing in the morning, but despite everything we tried, it still leaked. So we used disposables at night, and any time we were traveling long distances. This was for our own convenience, and it worked for us.

The parenting advice you will hear me say over and over is do what works for you and your family. It is a uniquely personal journey.

What other questions do you have about cloth diapering? Do you have any experience with it? Share in the comments!

World Breastfeeding Week
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World Breastfeeding Week

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3 months in and Jr was a champion.

It’s World Breastfeeding Week and I had no idea that that was a thing. But considering I’ve spent 28 of the last 38 months breastfeeding, it feels good to be seen.

My breastfeeding journey wasn’t anything spectacular or tragic. Both boys had a good latch from the get go. I feel so blessed because I know that is NOT the case for many people.

Milk sleeps are the best sleeps.

Ted was exclusively nursed until he was 12 weeks old, when I went back to work & we started our pump/bottle journey. Around 11 months we introduced formula because he was biting so bad (OUCH!) that I needed to give my nipples a break from constant nursing & pumping. When school started again, I stopped pumping & we were down to just bedtime feeds, then in October he dropped those too.

Jr, on the other hand, has refused the bottle pretty much every time we tried it. But unlike Ted, I haven’t been working out of the home with Jr, so he hasn’t needed to use a bottle. He turned 1 last weekend & we’re still going strong.

Jr’s first day.

However you feed your baby, formula, pump, breastfed, or some combination of all of them, here’s to you! Keeping the tiny humans alive is a full-time job & you are doing amazingly!

Postpartum Recovery Must-Haves
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Postpartum Recovery Must-Haves

MariaLeave a comment

Between my 2 boys, I’ve had births and recoveries on both ends of the spectrum. Ted’s birth was traumatic and recovery was slow. Jr’s was smooth sailing, and recovery has been lightning fast! While some of these tips won’t be necessary if you have an easier birthing experience, they are applicable to all mamas postpartum.

• Invest in support garments! Bao Bei makes great bloomers (undies) and leggings to give support to your core. This will not only help you to not feel like your stomach is all over the place, but also help your muscles to recover.

• Ice pads will help reduce swelling and provide relief. Frida Mom makes some premade ones or you can make your own! Instructions below.

• A comfy robe/pjs are a must. You’ll be up at all hours of the day and night, so having something easy to throw on is very helpful. I basically live in my Milkmaid Goods robe until 8am (when we take Ted to daycare) everyday, and longer on weekends.

• Don’t forget about yourself! Ask for help to take a shower, take a nap, or get out of the house. It is SO easy to slip into putting the kids first 100% of the time, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. This is so important to keep in mind always, not just in the 4th trimester.

• Set up diapering stations in the main areas of your home. Depending on the size/layout of your home, the nursery may not be a convenient place to change diapers during the day. We have a basket with diapers and wipes in our living room, bedroom, and nursery. Our bedroom & nursery are on the second floor of our house, and I don’t want to do the stairs every time I need to change a diaper. I also don’t want to wake Ted up in the middle of the night, so we have one next to Junior’s bassinet.

• If you’re breastfeeding, it is also helpful to have some breastfeeding essentials (lanolin, snacks, breast pads, Haakaa pump) in the main rooms of the house.

• Find your tribe! After those first few weeks of chaos, things will start to feel a little more routine. This is the time to reach out, either in person or online, to other mamas who can support you. Maybe you find a Mommy & Me fitness class, made friends in your prenatal class, or you interact with others on social media, whatever works for you. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed and alone, even if you don’t have postpartum depression.

Last, but most importantly, give yourself grace! You just grew a human being! You are amazing! Did you keep yourself alive and happy? Great! Did you keep your baby alive and happy? Perfect! Anything else is extra. Laundry? Extra. Dishes? Extra.

The 4th trimester is no joke!

How to make your own ice pads

You need: high absorbency pads aloe vera gel witch hazel optional: essential oil

1. Carefully unwrap pads and flatten them out

2. Slowly pour 2-3 Tbs of witch hazel all over pad, letting it absorb in.

3. Add a few drops of essential oil, then spread an even layer of aloe vera gel.

4. Rewrap in the packaging, then put in a gallon ziplock bag.

5. When bag is full, place in your freezer.

These can be made as far in advance as you like.