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Introducing a New Sibling

Congratulations! A new baby in the family is a special time. It can feel overwhelming knowing that your child won’t be the only baby anymore.

What if I can’t spend as much time with my older child? What if they don’t get along? What if my older child feels jealous/left out? What if my older child plays too rough with the baby? How will I split my time/attention/love between two (or more) kids? All of these are valid concerns. Let’s dive in!

Lottie joining our family

Time

When it comes to time, you will be splitting it up as you add more children to your home. And, luckily, it quality over quantity to that matters. Even 5-10 minutes of quality 1:1 time per child makes a huge difference! What makes it work is the quality of the time. Use naptime, when another adult has the baby, or when they are contently in a swing/play gym. Get rid of all distractions and be as mentally present as possible; I promise 5 mins away from your phone or not thinking about the laundry list of chores to do won’t be as catastrophic as it feels.

There are also some key moments in the day to tune in to. They are the 3 mins after they wake up, after they get home from school/daycare (if applicable), and before bed. When you make an effort to connect at these key times, you’ll see your relationship continue to grow, even when your time is split.

Jr and Lottie spending some quality time together.

Jealousy

This one is tricky. It is a HUGE shift, no matter how many kids you have, to add a new member to the family. Feelings of jealousy and resentment are totally normal. It is okay for your other child(ren) to feel jealous. Heck, we often feel jealous as adults! I love the ‘The Way I Feel’ series by Cornelia Maude Spelman as a way to introduce and learn about uncomfortable feelings.

It is important to distinguish the difference between all FEELINGS are okay and all BEHAVIORS are not. Giving kids the tools to communicate how they are feeling without hitting/biting/etc is an important step that we often forget.

The boys designed a cake to celebrate Lottie’s birthday!

Rough Play

The thing you’ll hear me say over and over again is modeling. This one starts long before baby gets home and applies to more than just baby! We talk about using gentle hands with mom & dad, family members, friends, and our toys. These skills directly transfer to new baby, as long as we directly teach it. This can be as simple as saying ‘I see you playing so gently with your stuffies. That’s just what to do with Baby Sister!’

It is also vital to give them an outlet for that energy, so that they can control themselves around the baby. We make a point to get outside every day, as well as have some gross motor activities that we can do inside.

Teddy & Jr reading together.

Regresssions

Another common side effect of the chaos that is bringing home a new sibling is regressions in skills. Usually the most recently acquired skill is the first to regress. Some examples include verbal (using words to express thoughts/ideas/needs), toilet mastery (accidents, wanting to be in diapers again, etc), social-emotional (hitting/biting when frustrated, increased meltdowns), or an increase in new fears (scared of the dark/heights/etc).

While it can be frustrating for us, and they are ‘too old’ for these behaviors, it is important that we support them by looking through the behavior to the need behind it. They are feeling scared, unsure, out of control, or lonely. Validating those feelings, while giving them the tools that they need is our goal. It may feel like we are coddling them or encouraging the regressions at first, but by acknowledging that they are struggling, we are giving them the security that they need to feel confident in their new roles.

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: October 22, 2022

Last week we had the pleasure of welcoming the newest member of our family to the world! Miss Lottie was born via Emergency C-section last Thursday and we have spent the last week adjusting to our new roles & recovering.

The boys absolutely adore Lottie. Jr is always asking to hold her and Ted shows her off to all of his friends. They are not as thrilled by Mama’s recovery & inability to do her usual Mama things (bedtime, carrying kids, playing outside, etc).

I have been recovering well (I think) considering I’ve never had a C-section before and was completely unprepared for what that would be like. I’m still pretty sore, but I did just have major abdominal surgery (Did you know they cut through 7 different layers of tissue? 7?!) so I guess that’s typical. I’m hoping to get back to some of my regular daily activities this next week. I really miss walking Ted to school and putting the boys down for bed.

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Lottie’s Birth Story

Wednesday morning I woke up after having a dream that my water broke, which felt telling considering that we were 40+3 at that point. Throughout the rest of the day I felt like I was leaking fluid, but wasn’t sure if it was amniotic fluid or not. The same thing happened with Jr, only this was a continuous leak rather than just when I put pressure on my pelvic floor, which was new. Around dinner time contractions started & had picked up from the Braxton Hicks I had felt on Sunday night. After almost 2 hours of that, combined with the leaking, we decided to go in to Labor & Delivery.

Last bump photo, a whole week before she came!

When we came in everything was good, but we were only at 3cm dilated. The doctor’s talked is through the options of letting labor progress naturally or starting Pictocin right away. We decided to give it a few hours to see how quickly we progressed. In hindsight, I probably should have taken this opportunity to walk the halls, bounce on the birthing ball, take a warm shower, or some other early labor techniques, but I didn’t. It was 9pm (which is my old lady bedtime) and we just watched some trash tv and tried to catch some sleep before the contractions got too intense.

Trying to catch some sleep before labor got too intense.

By midnight we had made it to almost 5cm, but because my water had been leaking all day, we needed to move faster to make sure she didn’t lose too much fluid. So we started Pictocin. It did it’s job and bumped up the frequency & intensity of the contractions. Charlotte did NOT like that. While I am extremely grateful for modern medicine, about every negative side effect of Pictocin happened. Every time I contracted her heart rate would drop (Ted did the same thing), but the contractions were so frequent she didn’t have recovery time between them. After her heart rate dropped to the 40s, they decided it was time to get her out!

Note: I had NOT had an epidural at this point, so as they wheeled me in and were prepping my body for surgery, I was still feeling every single thing. 😬

Little Lottie

Because of the urgency of getting her here safely, I was put under general anesthesia instead of waiting for an epidural. This meant that I was not awake during the procedure, or immediately after. Michael was able to do skin to skin as soon as they brought her back to him. Also, because it was an emergency, Michael wasn’t allowed in the OR with us.

By the time I woke up it was nearly 2am & it was all a bit of a blur. I got to hold her, then they transferred us to the Mom & Baby ward where we set up camp for the next few days.

Lottie’s blessing at 1 month old

Overall, this recovery has been a whole lot harder; from the physical recovery from major abdominal surgery, to the mental/emotional of having an (obviously) unexpected emergency C-section. We are taking it a day at a time and focused on slow, steady healing.

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: October 8, 2022

It’s Baby Week! Well, maybe. Technically she’s due tomorrow, but who knows when she’ll arrive.

This week I had to go back and read my Hospital Bag post from 2 years ago to remember what to pack for this go ‘round. 😅 There are a few things that I’m adding, so I’ll do an updated post about that coming up. I also switched up some of my postpartum must haves, and I’ll let you know which I prefer.

This pregnancy has been my easiest, as far as her & I are concerned. Least nausea, least sciatica, least SPD. HOWEVER, being in the 3rd trimester while moving and chasing after 2 young children is no joke. While I have felt good, I have been unable to keep up with their activity levels and that has been SO frustrating. As we have entered the final week(s) I keep reminding the boys, and myself, that I’ll be back to playing (slowly) soon!

We have done a lot of prep work to get the boys ready to be big brothers. From reading books, to pretend play, to planning her ‘birthday party’. We have been making the transition as fun as we can, while also holding space for the big feelings that will come from it. There’s a blog post coming all about this transition too!

Overall, impending baby has been the #1 focus around here and we cannot wait for her to arrive!

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Cloth Diapers

Cloth diapers are making a comeback! As we become more aware of how our decisions impact the environment, and the prices of disposables go through the roof, it makes more sense for us to find ways to save (both money & the Earth!) Not to mention that modern design has made them SO much easier to use than pass generations.

Less than 1 month old Ted was drowning in the adjustable cloth diaper.

We used cloth diapers with Ted starting around 3 months until he was about 2 years old. These worked wonderfully, and we still use them now. However, they were too bulky for when he was a newborn, so until he grew out of size 1 diapers, they were too big. Other brands do make small cloth diapers, so you can go 100% cloth, if you want!

We didn’t cloth nearly as much with Jr, due to sharing a washing machine most of his first year. We have kept out stash and are trying to phase in more cloth diapers now that we are back in our own house. Switching back to cloth has also been helpful as Ted is learning how to use the potty. We are able to do a full load of potty laundry, and it calms my frustrations about accidents and all of the additional laundry.

Let’s talk about overnight. We tried. Double stuffed the diapers, changed him right before bed, and first thing in the morning, but despite everything we tried, it still leaked. So we used disposables at night, and any time we were traveling long distances. This was for our own convenience, and it worked for us.

The parenting advice you will hear me say over and over is do what works for you and your family. It is a uniquely personal journey.

What other questions do you have about cloth diapering? Do you have any experience with it? Share in the comments!

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World Breastfeeding Week

3 months in and Jr was a champion.

It’s World Breastfeeding Week and I had no idea that that was a thing. But considering I’ve spent 28 of the last 38 months breastfeeding, it feels good to be seen.

My breastfeeding journey wasn’t anything spectacular or tragic. Both boys had a good latch from the get go. I feel so blessed because I know that is NOT the case for many people.

Milk sleeps are the best sleeps.

Ted was exclusively nursed until he was 12 weeks old, when I went back to work & we started our pump/bottle journey. Around 11 months we introduced formula because he was biting so bad (OUCH!) that I needed to give my nipples a break from constant nursing & pumping. When school started again, I stopped pumping & we were down to just bedtime feeds, then in October he dropped those too.

Jr, on the other hand, has refused the bottle pretty much every time we tried it. But unlike Ted, I haven’t been working out of the home with Jr, so he hasn’t needed to use a bottle. He turned 1 last weekend & we’re still going strong.

Jr’s first day.

However you feed your baby, formula, pump, breastfed, or some combination of all of them, here’s to you! Keeping the tiny humans alive is a full-time job & you are doing amazingly!

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Postpartum Recovery Must-Haves

Between my 2 boys, I’ve had births and recoveries on both ends of the spectrum. Ted’s birth was traumatic and recovery was slow. Jr’s was smooth sailing, and recovery has been lightning fast! While some of these tips won’t be necessary if you have an easier birthing experience, they are applicable to all mamas postpartum.

• Invest in support garments! Bao Bei makes great bloomers (undies) and leggings to give support to your core. This will not only help you to not feel like your stomach is all over the place, but also help your muscles to recover.

• Ice pads will help reduce swelling and provide relief. Frida Mom makes some premade ones or you can make your own! Instructions below.

• A comfy robe/pjs are a must. You’ll be up at all hours of the day and night, so having something easy to throw on is very helpful. I basically live in my Milkmaid Goods robe until 8am (when we take Ted to daycare) everyday, and longer on weekends.

• Don’t forget about yourself! Ask for help to take a shower, take a nap, or get out of the house. It is SO easy to slip into putting the kids first 100% of the time, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. This is so important to keep in mind always, not just in the 4th trimester.

• Set up diapering stations in the main areas of your home. Depending on the size/layout of your home, the nursery may not be a convenient place to change diapers during the day. We have a basket with diapers and wipes in our living room, bedroom, and nursery. Our bedroom & nursery are on the second floor of our house, and I don’t want to do the stairs every time I need to change a diaper. I also don’t want to wake Ted up in the middle of the night, so we have one next to Junior’s bassinet.

• If you’re breastfeeding, it is also helpful to have some breastfeeding essentials (lanolin, snacks, breast pads, Haakaa pump) in the main rooms of the house.

• Find your tribe! After those first few weeks of chaos, things will start to feel a little more routine. This is the time to reach out, either in person or online, to other mamas who can support you. Maybe you find a Mommy & Me fitness class, made friends in your prenatal class, or you interact with others on social media, whatever works for you. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed and alone, even if you don’t have postpartum depression.

Last, but most importantly, give yourself grace! You just grew a human being! You are amazing! Did you keep yourself alive and happy? Great! Did you keep your baby alive and happy? Perfect! Anything else is extra. Laundry? Extra. Dishes? Extra.

The 4th trimester is no joke!

How to make your own ice pads

You need: high absorbency pads aloe vera gel witch hazel optional: essential oil

1. Carefully unwrap pads and flatten them out

2. Slowly pour 2-3 Tbs of witch hazel all over pad, letting it absorb in.

3. Add a few drops of essential oil, then spread an even layer of aloe vera gel.

4. Rewrap in the packaging, then put in a gallon ziplock bag.

5. When bag is full, place in your freezer.

These can be made as far in advance as you like.

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Junior’s Birth Story

Junior and Ted had dramatically different entrances into this world. After the experience of Ted’s birth, I spent a lot of my 3rd trimester with Junior preparing for postpartum & recovery. One thing that I did was keep active and take Chester for a walk every day. We walked (waddled) about 1.2 miles on a down & back trail in our town. We started walking the trail at 31 weeks, when Ted was able to go back to daycare. Before that we walked our driveway (0.5 mile down & back) until about 28 weeks, when the 30% incline hill halfway down, became too much. Every single morning, Chester and I would drop Ted off at daycare, then go do our 1 mile walk, including the morning of July 30.

39 weeks 2 days, less than 24 hours before baby!

It was later in the afternoon that day that I noticed that every time I stood up from sitting, lifted anything heavy (when I returned from Costco), or otherwise put pressure on my pelvic floor, I had a leaking sensation. I didn’t think that I was peeing myself (although pee leaks happen commonly in pregnancy too), but it also didn’t seem like regular vaginal fluid. So after dinner, I decided that it was time to call the hospital and get a professional opinion. Labor and delivery told me to come in and they’d check me out, if it was a leak in amniotic fluid, I’d be admitted and we’d have a baby within 24 hours! So I gave Ted a hug and kiss, told Michael I’d keep him updated, grabbed my hospital bag, and drove myself in.

Upon my arrival, all of the delivery rooms were full, so I waited in the lobby where families typically wait. It took about 20 minutes for them to finish cleaning a delivery room for me, so I wasn’t checked in until about 8pm. The nurse initially tested the fluid in the pad I was wearing to see if it was indeed amniotic fluid, and the results came back a weak, inconclusive positive. So she did a pelvic exam, with no gushing of fluid, and tested a sample from there. Still inconclusive. She then called the doctor in to take a swab and check it under the microscope, but it took nearly half an hour for him to come in. (Did I mention that L&D was FULL!) He assured me that based on the fact that when pressure was put on the amniotic sack and it didn’t gush, in his experience, it wasn’t likely to be a fluid leak, and that I’d probably be sent home. *Cue staring at the camera like The Office* When he came back (you guessed it) it was indeed amniotic fluid, and we were having a baby!

By now it’s well after 9pm, so I called Michael to update him and tell him that he’d need to find someone to watch Ted because we were having a baby before his mom could arrive the next day. Up to this point the only reason I knew I was having contractions was because the monitor was picking them up, so we had no reason to believe that Little Man was in any kind of hurry. But by 11pm contractions were increasing in intensity and frequency rapidly. So I called Michael, “I don’t think we’re going to make it to morning. I’d hate for you to have to wake someone at 3am because the baby won’t wait. You’d best call now and get Ted set up for the morning.” Our wonderful friends were able to come stay the night and keep an eye on Ted.

Michael arrived at the hospital around 1am, and we bunkered down to get what sleep we could. By 2:30am the contractions were painful enough that it was time for the epidural, but due to the filled-to-capacity L & D, it took the anesthesiologist an hour to get to me. After the meds, I was able to get a few more hours of sleep. (Thankfully!) The nurse told me to call her in when I felt the urge to push. What does that even mean?! With Ted, the epidural was so strong, I couldn’t feel anything so I had no idea what ‘the urge to push’ felt like.

At 6:20am, I realized what she meant. I pushed the call button, and when she did her exam, she said, “Normally I’d have you give a practice push, but don’t. Wait until the doctor gets in here.” Then she hustled out of the room to get the doctor. He came in and was surprised at how far along we were. He got Michael, himself, and the nurse in position, then it was time to push!

Jr’s first photo

6:51am brought Michael Jr into the world. They placed him directly on my chest, and Michael was able to cut the cord. We had an hour of uninterrupted skin to skin time, and they did all of his tests while he was on me. It was a relaxed and peaceful environment.

Going home day!

Jr’s birth was such a huge difference from the emergency, rushed feeling of Ted’s birth. But they did have a few things in common. Both were less than 24 hours from start to finish. Both had about 30 minutes of pushing. Both resulted in a healthy baby.

Top left is Junior. Bottom right is Teddy.

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What I Packed in My Hospital Bag

I used the same L.L. Bean tote as my hospital bag for both boys. It is just the right size for quick stay. I love that I can pack so much stuff in it!

Unlike many other people, we didn’t pack a bag for Michael, because he went home every day. So this post is going to be what I packed for myself and baby this second go ‘round. When I packed my hospital bag with Ted, I packed all of his things in the diaper bag and that was his ‘suitcase’. This time Michael still needed it at home for Ted, so I used packing cubes to separate his things from mine in the same bag.

This long-sleeve kimono onesie has rollover mittens!

Here are the 5 things I packed for Junior:

1. Sleeping gowns – These are a game changer with newborns! You don’t have to worry about pushing floppy newborn legs into pant legs. You don’t have to worry about trying to do up zippers when you’re exhausted and sleep deprived.

2. Baby nail clippers – I didn’t actually pack these initially, I had Michael bring them the day after Junior was born. He was born with super long nails (and has continued to grow them like crazy!) and kept scratching me when he was nursing. Most of the stuff that you need for baby, the hospital has, but they didn’t have these.

3. Blanket/swaddle – Again, the hospital has blankets, but I like to bring one that is a piece of home. Also, I am terrible at swaddling, so I love the Happiest Baby or Freshly Picked swaddles, that take the wrapping at out of it.

4. Going home outfit – This is the time to go crazy! Find the cutest outfit that suits your style. Ted came home in a Harry Potter themed outfit, and Junior wore dinosaur Little Brother pajamas.

5. Kimono style onesies – These are the BEST for when you’re in the hospital/first coming home. They are easy to put on (no trying to get floppy baby into a over-the-head shirt). They are also more forgiving of the belly button/umbilical clip that can get caught on an over the head shirt.

Getting ready to go home, wearing the comfiest pjs around.

As for myself, I packed a bit more but still tried to keep it minimal. The last thing you want is to be juggling a lot of stuff while having contractions!

1. Nursing friendly pajamas – I love these because they fit the bump the last few weeks of pregnancy, and I’m still wearing them 7 weeks postpartum! So soft and easy for nighttime feeds.

2. Blanket – Some people bring blankets and pillows, but I am okay using hospital pillows (trying to keep it minimal). If you have a special pillow, bring it! Make your stay feel cozy.

3. Nursing pillow – Honesty time. I didn’t bring my Bobby for nursing. After the traumatic birth of Ted, I sat on the Boppy for weeks. It took the pressure off of my stitches and made sitting comfortable. So I brought it this time, just in case that happened again.

4. Slippers – Socks work too! Just something to keep the hospital chill off of your toes. Again, go with whatever makes you comfortable.

5. Toiletries – I didn’t wash my hair while I was in the hospital, but I did shower ASAP after birth. I also had my makeup in there too. Doing my makeup makes me feel like a person and ready for the day, so I brought it as a in-hospital selfcare item.

6. Breast pump – If you are planning on pumping at all, I would suggest bringing your pump to the hospital. Will you use it, most likely not. But you can work with the on site lactation consultant to make sure you feel confident in how your pump works, and checking that you are using it correctly.

7. Going home outfit – I chose a flowy, chambray dress as my going home outfit. It’s not too fitted or tight, so it was comfortable. I was able to dress it up a little for some pictures too. Depending on the time of year that you give birth, you may also need to add a coat, or wear a shirt/joggers combo.

8. Support bloomers – These support bloomers from Bao Bei are a MUST HAVE postpartum. They are seamless, so they don’t irritate stitches. They are lightly compressing, so they provide just the right amount of support. And they are cute!

9. Long phone charger – You will need the longest phone charger you can find. Hospital beds are notoriously far away from plugins and you will be hanging out in your bed for most of your stay.

10. Nursing bras – I have been loving the pull down version of nursing bras this go ‘round. Last time, I used the clip ones. They work great, but sometimes Ted would be fussy and I would fumble around trying to clip or I clip my bra and it was inconvenient.

That was all that I brought with me! The hospital provides SO much stuff, that it seemed silly to me to bring it all with me. Especially since I ended up driving myself to the hospital! (See Junior’s Birth Story)

First day at home!

I hope this helps you to figure out what you will pack. Like all things in motherhood, do what is right for you. No two moms (and no two babies) are exactly the same. Enjoy your journey!