Tag: parenting

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Harnessing Resilience and Building Community: A Guide for Military Moms

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Military moms, juggling the demands of parenting with the unpredictable nature of military life can feel like an uphill battle. You’re not alone in this journey, and there’s a world of community support ready to lift you up. In this guide, we’re diving into real stories and tried-and-true strategies that build resilience and create connections. You’ll discover how shared experiences empower and transform everyday challenges into moments of strength and community. Join us at Living in Plaid, where your story becomes part of our tapestry. For additional resources, visit this helpful guide.

Building Resilience as a Military Mom

As a military mom, resilience is not just a trait—it’s a necessity. From unforeseen deployments to balancing household duties, resilience can be your best ally. This section introduces ways to navigate daily challenges and shares practical strategies for building strength and adaptability.

Navigating Daily Challenges

Every day presents new hurdles. Understanding and anticipating these challenges can make them less daunting. It’s essential to recognize that these obstacles are not insurmountable. Emotional resilience is key. It involves developing a positive mindset and using resources like Guardian Revival for guidance.

Consider setting a routine. This might involve planning meals or scheduling activities to create a sense of normalcy. Consistency is comforting, especially for children.

Support groups are invaluable. By engaging with others who share similar experiences through platforms like Military One Source, you can gain insights and advice. This community connection offers shared wisdom and support.

Practical Strategies for Strength

Building resilience involves adopting practical strategies. These strategies empower you to handle stress effectively.

  1. Prioritize Self-Care: Regularly set aside time for yourself. Whether it’s a short walk or reading a book, self-care is crucial.
  2. Seek Support: Utilize resources like USMC MCCS to access support networks and programs.
  3. Develop Coping Mechanisms: Techniques such as mindfulness or yoga can help manage stress.

A real-world example includes creating a personal support network. This can involve reaching out to other military moms for shared activities or emotional support.

Key Insights:

  • Self-awareness enhances resilience.
  • Community resources provide essential support.
  • Structured coping mechanisms reduce anxiety.

Fostering Community Support

Community support is essential for military moms. Finding your tribe and sharing stories helps build a network of understanding and empathy. This section explores ways to connect with others and foster meaningful relationships.

Finding Your Tribe

Building a supportive network begins with finding your tribe. This group provides emotional and practical support. You can start by attending local events or engaging in online forums dedicated to military moms.

Consider joining groups through Rainbow’s Empowering Military Families. These groups offer a safe space to express feelings and concerns.

Benefits of Community:

  • Shared experiences foster understanding.
  • Offers practical advice for common issues.
  • Emotional support during challenging times.

Cultivating these connections can transform your military parenting experience, providing comfort and camaraderie.

Sharing Stories and Building Bonds

Sharing personal experiences can be therapeutic. Storytelling is a powerful way to connect. When you share your journey, it encourages others to open up as well.

Steps to Build Bonds:

  1. Participate in Story Circles: These gatherings allow for sharing in a welcoming environment.
  2. Host Small Gatherings: Invite fellow moms for coffee or a playdate.
  3. Engage Online: Platforms like Living in Plaid offer forums for sharing and support.

Through these activities, you strengthen connections and create lasting friendships. Your stories can inspire and empower others while providing them with the courage to face their own challenges.

Empowerment Through Shared Experiences

Shared experiences are a source of empowerment. Learning from others and celebrating achievements together strengthens bonds. This section highlights the importance of collective wisdom and mutual empowerment.

Learning from Others

Observing and learning from others’ experiences can be enlightening. Their stories provide valuable lessons and insights. When you hear about someone’s triumph over adversity, it can offer potential solutions to your own challenges.

Consider engaging with seasoned military moms who have navigated similar paths. They often possess a wealth of knowledge and practical advice.

Key Takeaways:

  • Diverse perspectives broaden understanding.
  • Real-life stories offer practical solutions.
  • Mentorship can guide personal growth.

Seek out these learning opportunities through community events or online platforms. The lessons learned can be transformative.

Celebrating Small Victories Together

Celebrating achievements, no matter how small, fosters a sense of community and accomplishment. These victories remind us of our strength and resilience.

Join celebrations organized by support groups or create your own. Whether it’s a child’s milestone or a personal achievement, acknowledging these moments boosts morale.

Ways to Celebrate:

  • Organize group outings or virtual meet-ups.
  • Share achievements in community forums.
  • Encourage others by highlighting their successes.

These celebrations not only uplift spirits but also reinforce the bonds within the community. By recognizing each other’s achievements, we cultivate a supportive and empowering environment. 🌟

Don’t forget to engage with the community at Living in Plaid where stories are shared and celebrated. Join us and let your journey empower others.

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: January 14, 2023

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This week was a doozy. While no actual harm, or lasting damage, was done, it was emotionally taxing. It stretched Michael & mine’s parenting skills and our faith.

Portrait by Ted

The adults had colds. Michael lost his wallet. Ted was experimenting with unsafe choices. The house was a mess. Everything felt overwhelming.

Needless to say, we were ready to reset over the weekend. This weekend we’re celebrating Michael’s birthday, unplugging, and getting the house in order. Some quality time as a family will build relationships and a clean house will give us a good start for next week.

Built a Teddy tower

Not every day/week/month is Pinterest perfect, and that’s okay. It is important to acknowledge the difficult times, while doing what we can to turn it around.

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Introducing a New Sibling

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Congratulations! A new baby in the family is a special time. It can feel overwhelming knowing that your child won’t be the only baby anymore.

What if I can’t spend as much time with my older child? What if they don’t get along? What if my older child feels jealous/left out? What if my older child plays too rough with the baby? How will I split my time/attention/love between two (or more) kids? All of these are valid concerns. Let’s dive in!

Lottie joining our family

Time

When it comes to time, you will be splitting it up as you add more children to your home. And, luckily, it quality over quantity to that matters. Even 5-10 minutes of quality 1:1 time per child makes a huge difference! What makes it work is the quality of the time. Use naptime, when another adult has the baby, or when they are contently in a swing/play gym. Get rid of all distractions and be as mentally present as possible; I promise 5 mins away from your phone or not thinking about the laundry list of chores to do won’t be as catastrophic as it feels.

There are also some key moments in the day to tune in to. They are the 3 mins after they wake up, after they get home from school/daycare (if applicable), and before bed. When you make an effort to connect at these key times, you’ll see your relationship continue to grow, even when your time is split.

Jr and Lottie spending some quality time together.

Jealousy

This one is tricky. It is a HUGE shift, no matter how many kids you have, to add a new member to the family. Feelings of jealousy and resentment are totally normal. It is okay for your other child(ren) to feel jealous. Heck, we often feel jealous as adults! I love the ‘The Way I Feel’ series by Cornelia Maude Spelman as a way to introduce and learn about uncomfortable feelings.

It is important to distinguish the difference between all FEELINGS are okay and all BEHAVIORS are not. Giving kids the tools to communicate how they are feeling without hitting/biting/etc is an important step that we often forget.

The boys designed a cake to celebrate Lottie’s birthday!

Rough Play

The thing you’ll hear me say over and over again is modeling. This one starts long before baby gets home and applies to more than just baby! We talk about using gentle hands with mom & dad, family members, friends, and our toys. These skills directly transfer to new baby, as long as we directly teach it. This can be as simple as saying ‘I see you playing so gently with your stuffies. That’s just what to do with Baby Sister!’

It is also vital to give them an outlet for that energy, so that they can control themselves around the baby. We make a point to get outside every day, as well as have some gross motor activities that we can do inside.

Teddy & Jr reading together.

Regresssions

Another common side effect of the chaos that is bringing home a new sibling is regressions in skills. Usually the most recently acquired skill is the first to regress. Some examples include verbal (using words to express thoughts/ideas/needs), toilet mastery (accidents, wanting to be in diapers again, etc), social-emotional (hitting/biting when frustrated, increased meltdowns), or an increase in new fears (scared of the dark/heights/etc).

While it can be frustrating for us, and they are ‘too old’ for these behaviors, it is important that we support them by looking through the behavior to the need behind it. They are feeling scared, unsure, out of control, or lonely. Validating those feelings, while giving them the tools that they need is our goal. It may feel like we are coddling them or encouraging the regressions at first, but by acknowledging that they are struggling, we are giving them the security that they need to feel confident in their new roles.

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: October 22, 2022

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Last week we had the pleasure of welcoming the newest member of our family to the world! Miss Lottie was born via Emergency C-section last Thursday and we have spent the last week adjusting to our new roles & recovering.

The boys absolutely adore Lottie. Jr is always asking to hold her and Ted shows her off to all of his friends. They are not as thrilled by Mama’s recovery & inability to do her usual Mama things (bedtime, carrying kids, playing outside, etc).

I have been recovering well (I think) considering I’ve never had a C-section before and was completely unprepared for what that would be like. I’m still pretty sore, but I did just have major abdominal surgery (Did you know they cut through 7 different layers of tissue? 7?!) so I guess that’s typical. I’m hoping to get back to some of my regular daily activities this next week. I really miss walking Ted to school and putting the boys down for bed.

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Lottie’s Birth Story

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Wednesday morning I woke up after having a dream that my water broke, which felt telling considering that we were 40+3 at that point. Throughout the rest of the day I felt like I was leaking fluid, but wasn’t sure if it was amniotic fluid or not. The same thing happened with Jr, only this was a continuous leak rather than just when I put pressure on my pelvic floor, which was new. Around dinner time contractions started & had picked up from the Braxton Hicks I had felt on Sunday night. After almost 2 hours of that, combined with the leaking, we decided to go in to Labor & Delivery.

Last bump photo, a whole week before she came!

When we came in everything was good, but we were only at 3cm dilated. The doctor’s talked is through the options of letting labor progress naturally or starting Pictocin right away. We decided to give it a few hours to see how quickly we progressed. In hindsight, I probably should have taken this opportunity to walk the halls, bounce on the birthing ball, take a warm shower, or some other early labor techniques, but I didn’t. It was 9pm (which is my old lady bedtime) and we just watched some trash tv and tried to catch some sleep before the contractions got too intense.

Trying to catch some sleep before labor got too intense.

By midnight we had made it to almost 5cm, but because my water had been leaking all day, we needed to move faster to make sure she didn’t lose too much fluid. So we started Pictocin. It did it’s job and bumped up the frequency & intensity of the contractions. Charlotte did NOT like that. While I am extremely grateful for modern medicine, about every negative side effect of Pictocin happened. Every time I contracted her heart rate would drop (Ted did the same thing), but the contractions were so frequent she didn’t have recovery time between them. After her heart rate dropped to the 40s, they decided it was time to get her out!

Note: I had NOT had an epidural at this point, so as they wheeled me in and were prepping my body for surgery, I was still feeling every single thing. 😬

Little Lottie

Because of the urgency of getting her here safely, I was put under general anesthesia instead of waiting for an epidural. This meant that I was not awake during the procedure, or immediately after. Michael was able to do skin to skin as soon as they brought her back to him. Also, because it was an emergency, Michael wasn’t allowed in the OR with us.

By the time I woke up it was nearly 2am & it was all a bit of a blur. I got to hold her, then they transferred us to the Mom & Baby ward where we set up camp for the next few days.

Lottie’s blessing at 1 month old

Overall, this recovery has been a whole lot harder; from the physical recovery from major abdominal surgery, to the mental/emotional of having an (obviously) unexpected emergency C-section. We are taking it a day at a time and focused on slow, steady healing.

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: October 8, 2022

MariaLeave a comment

It’s Baby Week! Well, maybe. Technically she’s due tomorrow, but who knows when she’ll arrive.

This week I had to go back and read my Hospital Bag post from 2 years ago to remember what to pack for this go ‘round. 😅 There are a few things that I’m adding, so I’ll do an updated post about that coming up. I also switched up some of my postpartum must haves, and I’ll let you know which I prefer.

This pregnancy has been my easiest, as far as her & I are concerned. Least nausea, least sciatica, least SPD. HOWEVER, being in the 3rd trimester while moving and chasing after 2 young children is no joke. While I have felt good, I have been unable to keep up with their activity levels and that has been SO frustrating. As we have entered the final week(s) I keep reminding the boys, and myself, that I’ll be back to playing (slowly) soon!

We have done a lot of prep work to get the boys ready to be big brothers. From reading books, to pretend play, to planning her ‘birthday party’. We have been making the transition as fun as we can, while also holding space for the big feelings that will come from it. There’s a blog post coming all about this transition too!

Overall, impending baby has been the #1 focus around here and we cannot wait for her to arrive!

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: September 24, 2022

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Michael was gone for CTE the last 10 days. The first week we did great! Our routines held us through the transition and helped keep things from feeling too ‘different’.

There were some moments of big emotions and missing Papa, but overall we were on top of things. Until both boys got sick. Then everything hit the fan. Ted was out of school for 4 days, due to an on/off fever. Neither boy was sleeping well, so neither was I (which is extra awful when you’re 37 weeks pregnant). We were blessed enough to have my Mother in Law visiting those 4 days, so we weren’t totally up the creek, but it definitely threw us off.

Now that we’re all feeling better, and Michael is home, we are ready to have a fresh start into our routines before Baby Girl gets here & throws it all out of whack again!

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Moving Tips

MariaLeave a comment

Moving is hard! Especially when you have kids. It’s not only challenging to manage and organize, it’s also takes emotional toll. We are in the process of moving from Vermont to Texas, with a 2 year old and a 9 week old! We’re only a little crazy.

So I started this particular post almost 2 years ago when we moved to Texas, but life got crazy & I never finished it. Oops! Here we are 2 years later mid-move from Texas to North Carolina, with our now 4 year old, 2 year old, and Baby Girl due in October. If that doesn’t tell you how hectic moving with kids is, I don’t know what will.

We have been in our house on Fort Bragg for about a week now, and things are finally feeling settled. It took about 6 weeks from the time we left our house in Texas to getting our house on Bragg. Yikes! We spent that time bouncing around from hotels, to my in-laws, and even some time with Michael’s brother’s family. We are so grateful for our family’s support during this crazy time.

Here are my top tips for moving with kids.

  1. Make a binder. Keep all receipts, hotel confirmations, moving paperwork (government or DITY), any personal/military paperwork you’ll need (orders, housing, birth certificates, pet’s vet records, etc). You can also keep any packing organization you’ve used (color coded rooms, etc) in this folder. It feels a little over the top, but future you will thank you for keeping everything available and organized.Medical Records. This goes along with #1, but make sure you have immunization records, recent physicals, etc for all of your kids, especially if you’re moving near the beginning of school. Trying to arrange new patient appointments quickly after a move can be a huge added stress. (Trust me on this one. 😅 There’s nothing worse than realizing your kid needs some shots before school starts, but the next available appointment isn’t until a month later.)Prepare for ALL of the emotions (adults and kiddos alike!). Mallory at ditymama.com has the awesome blog post specifically about supporting kids emotionally through the PCS process. If you want more specific strategies, hop on over to my business website to get a Personalized Parenting Plan where we can create a custom plan for your family.Minimize. I love the book Cozy Minimalist Home by Myquillyn Smith, and have been working to apply the principles to all of our living spaces. Having less, more purposeful, things makes moving all of those things much easier. Doing 2 cross country moves in as many years made us really think ‘Is this worth hauling halfway across the country?!’ and if the answer wasn’t a resounding ‘YES!’ we chucked (or donated) it.Breathe. This can be a stressful process. Making time to do the things that center you can make all of the difference. That could be journaling, yoga, meditation, running, making pinboards on Pinterest of your dream home, whatever works for you.

I hope these tips help your move to go smoothly. There will be things beyond your control, but by keeping these 5 things in mind, you can make the process a little bit easier.

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Discipline, Not Punishment

MariaLeave a comment

This week on Instagram we put a spotlight on the big D. Discipline.

Discipline has gotten a bad rep because most of us associate it with harsh punishments. But have no fear, discipline is NOT the same as punishments. In fact, punishment-free parenting hinges on discipline!

Let’s bring back this form of discipline!

So what’s the difference? Discipline comes from the Latin roots meaning ‘to teach’. We use discipline to set boundaries and teach our children what they need to know. Punishment is defined as ‘the infliction of a penalty as retribution for an offense’. Knowing these two definitions, it is easier to see how one is more effective, in the long term, than the other.

If we aren’t using punishments, what do we do when our child misbehaves? In a word, consequences. There are 3 types of consequences:

1. Natural Consequences. Natural consequences don’t require any intervention on our part, they just happen! Some examples are being cold when you don’t wear a coat, feeling hungry if you don’t eat enough at a meal, scraping your knee when you fall.

2. Logical Consequences. Logical consequences are related, reasonable, respectful actions that we take when our child misbehaves.

They are related to the misbehavior; cleaning up a spill, fixing something that is broken, time away from an activity, etc.

Reasonable means that ‘the punishment fits the crime’ (please excuse the phrase 😅). If a child throws a toy in a temper tantrum, putting ALL of their toys in the trash would be an overreaction. If a child does something dangerous, a more serious consequence is needed.

The hardest part for those of us who are relearning how to parent is respectful. Often we fall into the trap of shaming/blaming the child, when often they literally do not have the brain development to do something else. The easiest comparison I can make is how would you feel, as an adult, if your boss spoke to you that way at work. If you would feel demeaned, condescended, etc. then it is a good idea to check your tone & word choice. I like to pretend I’m David Attenborough and narrating the behaviors of a wild animal. When my tone is neutral, or even curious, it promotes problem solving and let’s them know I’m on their team.

3. Imposed Consequences. These are the most similar to traditional punishments, and I rarely use them. Like, I can’t even think of a time that I have. Most imposed consequences that I’ve seen come from a place of frustration and disregualtion in the parent. If you’re thinking ‘this is me 😬’, we’ve all been there, parenting is hard!

Validating feelings can go a LONG way to helping your child cooperate.

So how do we move from reactionary imposed consequences to calm logical consequences? Planning. Explain your expectations and what the consequence will be BEFORE it happens. Before you get out of the car, ‘We are going to the grocery store. I expect that you’ll stay near me and follow directions. If you are having a hard time with that, you’ll have to sit in the cart.’ Before you get out the bikes, ‘You can ride between the stop sign and the streetlight. If you go beyond that, we will have to come inside.’ This sets them up for success, and they won’t be surprised if you have to enforce those boundaries.

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Decluttering with Kids

MariaLeave a comment

Minimalism is a trend that has been in and out of popularity recently. I love the book The Cozy Minimalist by Myquillyn Smith; it is all about how to merge minimalism (the art of having enough) and hygge (the Danish culture of coziness). Minimalism and kids seems laughable; kids come with so much stuff! But a lot of the things that we ‘need’ for our kids, are not actually needed. A few open ended toys that are age appropriate are all that they need to set their imaginations on fire. We are making sure to have some toys that are specific interest to our kiddos right now, but they could vary depending on what their interests are.

This is extra relevant to us, as we prepare to move across the country with only what we can fit in our SUV and that is all we will have for 6-8 weeks, until our furniture and things arrive in the moving truck. We plan on bringing a dozen or so books, and a dozen or so toys for them to use until August. (See list at the end of this post for more details). To prepare ourselves for the move, the boys and I have been slowly but surely going through our things (clothes, books, toys, household goods) and deciding what is worth waiting two months for. Everything else is either going in the trash (non-reusable) or taken for donation. I think we have made 3 trips to Goodwill this week.

Fewer toys mean deeper, more meaningful play with the toys that they have.

Teddy (4, next month) is right on the cusp of understanding what it means to donate our things. I have included him in helping me to pack up the boxes of my things to take. Modeling is the best teacher after all! He isn’t quite ready to donate his own things yet, so that I have taken the lead on. It has been mostly books that they do not read or aren’t developmentally appropriate (a lot of 3rd/4th grade books from my teaching days), or toys that they have outgrown.

Jr (2, next month) has no idea what is going on, so I make a point to narrate what we are doing when we put the boxes in the car and drop them off at the donation center. Hearing the words associated with the action, and describing why we do it will help him to build an understanding of the joys of giving. This is something that we also do as a family around Christmastime.

My challenge to you is to find that balance of ‘enough’. Not so much that you’re overwhelmed by things, and mess, and constantly picking up. Not so little that your life feels empty and devoid of love. Just enough.

My boys will play with dinosaurs for hours.

Toys we are bringing with us

  • Magnetic tiles – Both boys love building with these! We have a combination of different brands of these, and they are all wonderful. The Picasso tiles came with a booklet of ideas for building that has inspired Ted a lot!
  • Dinosaur figures – Both boys are currently obsessed with dinosaurs. The figures are by far one of their most used toys.
  • Foam blocks – These foam building blocks are some of my favorites because they are soft and quiet when my little Godzillas decide to destroy Tokyo.
  • Monster trucks – They love playing with these indoors and out.
  • Lovevery kit – Jr got his most recent Lovevery box last week, and all of the toys in it are interesting for both boys. They use the animal figurines in their Dino/monster truck play. They like making different designs with the pegboard. Jr loves practicing his buckling skills with the buckle pillow.
  • Play tunnel – This collapsable tunnel doesn’t take up much space (great for our move) and provides a wonderful opportunity for gross motor and sensory play, when I know that our furniture will be limited.