So many exciting things in the last two weeks! We found out where we are moving: Ft. Bragg, NC. We are very excited because it is close to Michael’s family and the boys will be able to spend more time with their cousins. Now we are preparing for the move, and I’ll have more detailed blog posts about those steps coming up.
Our other exciting news is we found out that our new baby is a little GIRL! Michael is over the moon and ran around announcing it to everyone he saw. I’m still processing having to change my language from ‘the boys’ (see above) to ‘the kids’.
Baby girl will be joining us in October!
We have continued fighting the War of the Fleas, with moderate success. I haven’t managed to completely eradicate them yet, it takes a bit more time & energy than this solo mama has. But we are making steady progress. Chester is fed up with me constantly brushing him, multiple baths a week, & getting haircuts every other week. But I know he’ll thank me when they’re gone.
Having spent the better part of the last year & a half as the only adult in the house, I can tell you that it takes about 4.2 seconds for two kids under 4 to destroy everything. While there are some tasks that they can help with (cleaning up the playroom, for example) there are some things that have to be done, or at least facilitated, by the adults. It can easily become overwhelming to juggle all of the daily, weekly, and monthly tasks to keep a house running.
My friend Terena created a Home Systems Planner to keep everything organized. Her planner includes everything from cleaning schedules, routines, meal prep, and beyond. I use the goals sheets, routine sheets, and yearly cleaning sheet to keep myself organized and on top of our daily needs. The biggest hurdles (for me) are keeping up with dishes and laundry. With only me & the boys it doesn’t feel like we have enough to do a whole load every single day, so I end up putting it off, which leads to having it piled up. Oops. So with Terena’s goals sheets I have made it my goal to run & put away a load of each every single day. Some days that means that the dishwasher will run a half a load, which feels wasteful and annoying, but it means that our house is staying in shape and manageable. So I’ll take it.
Another system that makes our lives a million times easier is decluttering. When you have less stuff, it is easier to pick it all up. I know Marie Kondo was all the rage (do people still say that?) a couple of years ago & I still live by many of her principles. Whenever I fold & put away laundry, I ask myself ‘Do I love this? Do I feel good in this?’ If the answer isn’t a resounding ‘Yes!’, it goes in the donate box. The same goes for the boys’ clothes.
When it comes to books & toys I start with ‘Is this broken?’ If not, how often do they play with it? Sometimes it’s a matter of switching it out in our toy rotation, but other times it’s something that they have outgrown, or have multiples of. We talk about our donations, what they are, who they are going to, and why we donate the things we are no longer using. As they get older, and this becomes more familiar, they are going to help be a part of the decision and donate process. Specifically around birthdays and holidays, when we know an influx of new things is coming, it will be important to make room for those things.
Our biggest obstacle the last two weeks had very little to do with the tiny 2-legged creatures in our house, and much more to do with the fluffy 4-legged one. On May 1 I noticed that Chester had some ‘flea dirt’ and went into full on Rambo mode. So much more laundry and vacuuming than usual, as well as dog baths and multiple brushings a day. I also got a carpet cleaner and diatomaceous earth to make sure we were getting every possible egg, pupae, larvae, and adult.
This has been a great opportunity to teach about caring for pets.
How is this parenting related, you may ask? Well, the answer is twofold. As adults, the daily household chores generally fall onto us, so having 2x as much laundry & vacuuming was exhausting. Also, my preoccupation with getting/keeping the house sanitized meant I had less energy and attention for Ted & Jr. They were champions at first, but by last weekend they were over it & very clingy.
Parenting is a balancing act of all of the things that need to be done. Check out last week’s post about quality time for more on that. The last few weeks, the scales have tipped in Chester’s favor, because his needs were a priority. Soon it will balance back out and things will feel normal again soon.
Ted loves using his binoculars to look at the trees wherever we go.
In the meantime, we are trying to spend as much time in the backyard as we can. The boys will play in the dirt, or the kiddie pool, while I read a book. It has been great for all of us to spend time in the sunshine & fresh air, while still being close enough to a bathroom, water source, and occasional air conditioning breaks.
May in Houston has H-O-T hot. I keep reminding myself that we are only here for another month or so, then we will (hopefully) be somewhere cooler, or at least less humid.
Recently on Mr. Chazz’s instagram there was a great conversation about ‘Generational Wealth vs Generational Health’ which boiled down to the quantity of time parents spent at work/home compared to the quality of the time parents spent at home. I thought this topic was so important it needed its own post.
The general consensus by his 230K followers was that the QUALITY of time is more important than the QUANTITY of time that we spend with our families. Whether that means you’re working 12 hour shifts and only have family time on the weekends, or if your deployed and spend 10 months away, or if you’re a Stay At Home Mom and spend all day with your kids, it doesn’t matter too much. It’s how you spend that time that counts.
This feels especially important (and relevant) to our family right now. Michael has spent 14 of the last 16 months away from home, and I have spent ALL of that time with the boys. Michael worries that he has spent too long away & I worry that I am constantly distracted by the 1.3 million things that need to get done each day. I know I have fallen into the trap of feeling like I spend all day with my kids & I just need some time to myself each day (which is true), and I end up justifying not being present and playing with them in the name of ‘me time’. Not my best moments, but recognizing the need for change is the first step.
So now that we know we need to be present with our kids, not just physically there and mentally miles away, how do we do it? Does this mean that I am 100% focused on only my kids from the time I get home until they go to bed? Not necessarily. If that works for you, go for it. When I was teaching I only got about 2 waking hours each weekday with Teddy, so I spent all of those 2 hours doing things with him. But for most of us, that’s not possible.
So how much time DO we need to spend 100% engaged with our kids each day? As little as 5-10 minutes makes a HUGE difference in the lives of our children. Here are my tips to creating the habit of quality time every day.
Start small. Lasting change takes time. Start with 5 minutes a day and build up from there. Some days you’ll need to be done at the end of that time, and other’s you will end up playing for an hour. Set yourself up for success by making your goals achievable.
Start a timer. If you can clear your mind of the millions of tasks that need to be done & immerse yourself in your child’s world for 5 minutes, that will make a world difference to them. By having an end time, it is easier for our brains to be able to put aside the distractions and focus until the timer goes off.
Keep it simple. You don’t have to build elaborate pillow forts or make homemade slime every single day (although those can be fun activities every once in a while). Follow your child’s lead and join in what they are already playing. Snuggle up and read their favorite books together. Get out some crayons and color while chatting about your days. Ted’s favorite is for the whole family to run around the backyard being ‘chased by raptors’ (we’re going through our dinosaur phase).
In this series I will be sharing the current challenges I am facing as a mom of an (almost) 4 year old and (almost) 2 year old.
They get along, most of the time..
The last 2 months have been the first time in my life that I am a SAHM with both kids home full time. Last year when Michael was deployed, Ted was enrolled in an Early PreK program, so I only had Jr at home. So this has been a whole new world for all of us. There was definitely a learning curve, which is why I took a few months off, but now that we’ve found our groove, we’re ready to go!
Our most recent adventure has been potty learning. Yikes. I kept putting it off and putting it off, even though Ted showed signs of readiness before we moved to Texas, because I knew we had SO MANY changes coming and I didn’t want to be constantly dealing with regressions and feeling like we were failing. But after a new brother, moving, Michael deploying, starting a new school, moving again, Michael coming home, Michael leaving again, and another move coming up, I decided that it was not worth waiting for stability because we’d be waiting forever. Overall, it’s going well. Jr is also very interested, even though he isn’t quite ready yet. But we’re rolling with it and involving him in the process as much as possible.
Best friends
This week we (by we I mean, I) implemented some new routines/goals around the house. It has helped tremendously to have the house in better shape. My goals are to do a complete load (wash, dry, put away) of dishes and laundry every day. I have struggled with this because with only 3 people (do the toddlers count?) we don’t make a ton of dishes or a ton of laundry each day. So I got into the habit of waiting until everything was full before I washed it. This became a problem on the days were I was overwhelmed, tired, or just plain ol’ ran out of time to get it done when it NEEDED to be done. Then it was intimidating knowing there was SO MUCH that was piled up. Now, even if the dishwasher is only half full, I run it every evening. This has allowed our kitchen to be a more hospitable place, where we (I) want to cook. It also frees up my brain space to do more with the boys. I have found myself to be a better mother because I am less stressed. Surprise, surprise.
We have been making a point to spend as much time as we can outside every day. It is getting to the point, in Houston, where the unbearable heat/humidity of summer is quickly approaching. We go on walks, go to the park, or play in the backyard every day. We’re even planning a picnic lunch for next week! The benefits of getting outside are innumerable. So far this year we have logged 94 hours outside, using the 1000 Hour app. I admit that I’m not the best about filling it in every day, so we probably have more. My goal for is 750 hours for the whole year, which is just over 2 hours a day. We easily hit more than that on days that we are at the zoo, at the park with friends, or swimming at Grandma & Grandpa’s house. But there are days where we are lounge, or it’s storming, so we don’t get outside much, if at all.
Cheese!
I am excited to share more of our everyday adventures with you here! Mom Diaries posts will be every other week, so I’ll see you here in May!
Cloth diapers are making a comeback! As we become more aware of how our decisions impact the environment, and the prices of disposables go through the roof, it makes more sense for us to find ways to save (both money & the Earth!) Not to mention that modern design has made them SO much easier to use than pass generations.
Less than 1 month old Ted was drowning in the adjustable cloth diaper.
We used cloth diapers with Ted starting around 3 months until he was about 2 years old. These worked wonderfully, and we still use them now. However, they were too bulky for when he was a newborn, so until he grew out of size 1 diapers, they were too big. Other brands do make small cloth diapers, so you can go 100% cloth, if you want!
We didn’t cloth nearly as much with Jr, due to sharing a washing machine most of his first year. We have kept out stash and are trying to phase in more cloth diapers now that we are back in our own house. Switching back to cloth has also been helpful as Ted is learning how to use the potty. We are able to do a full load of potty laundry, and it calms my frustrations about accidents and all of the additional laundry.
Let’s talk about overnight. We tried. Double stuffed the diapers, changed him right before bed, and first thing in the morning, but despite everything we tried, it still leaked. So we used disposables at night, and any time we were traveling long distances. This was for our own convenience, and it worked for us.
The parenting advice you will hear me say over and over is do what works for you and your family. It is a uniquely personal journey.
What other questions do you have about cloth diapering? Do you have any experience with it? Share in the comments!
It’s World Breastfeeding Week and I had no idea that that was a thing. But considering I’ve spent 28 of the last 38 months breastfeeding, it feels good to be seen.
My breastfeeding journey wasn’t anything spectacular or tragic. Both boys had a good latch from the get go. I feel so blessed because I know that is NOT the case for many people.
Milk sleeps are the best sleeps.
Ted was exclusively nursed until he was 12 weeks old, when I went back to work & we started our pump/bottle journey. Around 11 months we introduced formula because he was biting so bad (OUCH!) that I needed to give my nipples a break from constant nursing & pumping. When school started again, I stopped pumping & we were down to just bedtime feeds, then in October he dropped those too.
Jr, on the other hand, has refused the bottle pretty much every time we tried it. But unlike Ted, I haven’t been working out of the home with Jr, so he hasn’t needed to use a bottle. He turned 1 last weekend & we’re still going strong.
Jr’s first day.
However you feed your baby, formula, pump, breastfed, or some combination of all of them, here’s to you! Keeping the tiny humans alive is a full-time job & you are doing amazingly!
Junior and Ted had dramatically different entrances into this world. After the experience of Ted’s birth, I spent a lot of my 3rd trimester with Junior preparing for postpartum & recovery. One thing that I did was keep active and take Chester for a walk every day. We walked (waddled) about 1.2 miles on a down & back trail in our town. We started walking the trail at 31 weeks, when Ted was able to go back to daycare. Before that we walked our driveway (0.5 mile down & back) until about 28 weeks, when the 30% incline hill halfway down, became too much. Every single morning, Chester and I would drop Ted off at daycare, then go do our 1 mile walk, including the morning of July 30.
39 weeks 2 days, less than 24 hours before baby!
It was later in the afternoon that day that I noticed that every time I stood up from sitting, lifted anything heavy (when I returned from Costco), or otherwise put pressure on my pelvic floor, I had a leaking sensation. I didn’t think that I was peeing myself (although pee leaks happen commonly in pregnancy too), but it also didn’t seem like regular vaginal fluid. So after dinner, I decided that it was time to call the hospital and get a professional opinion. Labor and delivery told me to come in and they’d check me out, if it was a leak in amniotic fluid, I’d be admitted and we’d have a baby within 24 hours! So I gave Ted a hug and kiss, told Michael I’d keep him updated, grabbed my hospital bag, and drove myself in.
Upon my arrival, all of the delivery rooms were full, so I waited in the lobby where families typically wait. It took about 20 minutes for them to finish cleaning a delivery room for me, so I wasn’t checked in until about 8pm. The nurse initially tested the fluid in the pad I was wearing to see if it was indeed amniotic fluid, and the results came back a weak, inconclusive positive. So she did a pelvic exam, with no gushing of fluid, and tested a sample from there. Still inconclusive. She then called the doctor in to take a swab and check it under the microscope, but it took nearly half an hour for him to come in. (Did I mention that L&D was FULL!) He assured me that based on the fact that when pressure was put on the amniotic sack and it didn’t gush, in his experience, it wasn’t likely to be a fluid leak, and that I’d probably be sent home. *Cue staring at the camera like The Office* When he came back (you guessed it) it was indeed amniotic fluid, and we were having a baby!
By now it’s well after 9pm, so I called Michael to update him and tell him that he’d need to find someone to watch Ted because we were having a baby before his mom could arrive the next day. Up to this point the only reason I knew I was having contractions was because the monitor was picking them up, so we had no reason to believe that Little Man was in any kind of hurry. But by 11pm contractions were increasing in intensity and frequency rapidly. So I called Michael, “I don’t think we’re going to make it to morning. I’d hate for you to have to wake someone at 3am because the baby won’t wait. You’d best call now and get Ted set up for the morning.” Our wonderful friends were able to come stay the night and keep an eye on Ted.
Michael arrived at the hospital around 1am, and we bunkered down to get what sleep we could. By 2:30am the contractions were painful enough that it was time for the epidural, but due to the filled-to-capacity L & D, it took the anesthesiologist an hour to get to me. After the meds, I was able to get a few more hours of sleep. (Thankfully!) The nurse told me to call her in when I felt the urge to push. What does that even mean?! With Ted, the epidural was so strong, I couldn’t feel anything so I had no idea what ‘the urge to push’ felt like.
At 6:20am, I realized what she meant. I pushed the call button, and when she did her exam, she said, “Normally I’d have you give a practice push, but don’t. Wait until the doctor gets in here.” Then she hustled out of the room to get the doctor. He came in and was surprised at how far along we were. He got Michael, himself, and the nurse in position, then it was time to push!
Jr’s first photo
6:51am brought Michael Jr into the world. They placed him directly on my chest, and Michael was able to cut the cord. We had an hour of uninterrupted skin to skin time, and they did all of his tests while he was on me. It was a relaxed and peaceful environment.
Going home day!
Jr’s birth was such a huge difference from the emergency, rushed feeling of Ted’s birth. But they did have a few things in common. Both were less than 24 hours from start to finish. Both had about 30 minutes of pushing. Both resulted in a healthy baby.
Teddy is my first son, and I had NO IDEA what to expect when it came to labor and postpartum. (I also has no idea if he was a boy or girl.) I had been to the classes, read the books and blogs, watched vlogs, and asked family and friends, but there are so many things that can happen during labor & delivery. This is story of our adventurous Theodore!
Taking Teddy home!
During my pregnancy I didn’t have any Braxton Hicks contractions, so when the cramp-like feelings started Saturday mid-afternoon, we knew it was time! The contractions were still mild and sporadic, so we packed up Chester and went to the dog park. We knew he wasn’t going to be getting much exercise after baby came, so we made sure he had a last hurrah.
That night we slept on our pullout couch and watched movies in the living room. I downloaded a contraction timer app on my phone, and meticulously tracked my contractions. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep. Around 5am my contractions were about 1 minute in length, about 4 minutes apart, and had been for about an hour. That meant (according to our class) it was time to call the hospital! Since my water hadn’t yet broken, they said we could come in, but they may send us home. So I woke Michael, took Chester out, and got the house ready to go.
We arrived at L&D around 6am and they checked us in. They said that they’d monitor baby & I for 30 minutes, and if my water didn’t break, they’d send us home. 6:30am came and went, and when the nurses came back they were getting ready to let us go. Then, GUSH! My water broke. We were staying!
Around 7:15am the anesthesiologist came to give me an epidural, and after that things get a bit fuzzy. The meds worked REALLY well, and I couldn’t feel a thing. I drifted in and out of sleep (I had been up all night, remember). Baby’s heart rate was all over the place and kept dropping. They readjusted my position a few times, and at some point they had to inject synthetic amniotic fluid because I had lost so much when my water broke.
A little after 9:30am, I came to just in time to hear the doctor mention prepping the OR for an emergency C-section because baby needed to come out ASAP. They checked my dilation one more time, and I was at 10cm. No C-section needed! It was time to push.
I was still completely numb from the epidural, so I needed a lot of coaching about when to push. Baby’s heart rate was still dropping, so the doctor grabbed the forceps to help pull him out. I don’t remember a lot of Ted’s birth, but I specifically remember thinking, ‘It looks like he is pull starting a lawn mower. I’m so glad I can’t feel that. It looks painful.’
At 10:06am on July 1, 2018, Ted was born. They whisked him over to the baby station in the corner to check that his low heart rate during labor hadn’t caused any problems. Luckily, he was healthy and just had a black eye from the forceps.
Ted’s swollen black eye.
I, however, was a different story. They did end up needing that OR after all. I had severe tearing, and needed quite a few stitches. Michael was able to stay in the delivery room and do skin to skin with Ted while I was in the OR. All of this led to a long and arduous healing process, which I was not prepared for. (But that’s a story for a different post.)
Hospital snuggles with Teddy.
So all-in-all 3 hours of active labor, and 30 minutes of pushing (with some help). I have always heard that childbirth is an ordeal; it uses so many muscles and leaves you exhausted. That is not the experience that I had. Honestly, running a half marathon is still the most physically demanding thing I’ve ever done. It took me a long time to be okay with that, and not feel like I hadn’t ‘earned’ being a mom. (Silly, I know.) Just know that whatever your journey into motherhood, it is valid. You are a mom.
I used the same L.L. Bean tote as my hospital bag for both boys. It is just the right size for quick stay. I love that I can pack so much stuff in it!
Unlike many other people, we didn’t pack a bag for Michael, because he went home every day. So this post is going to be what I packed for myself and baby this second go ‘round. When I packed my hospital bag with Ted, I packed all of his things in the diaper bag and that was his ‘suitcase’. This time Michael still needed it at home for Ted, so I used packing cubes to separate his things from mine in the same bag.
This long-sleeve kimono onesie has rollover mittens!
Here are the 5 things I packed for Junior:
1. Sleeping gowns – These are a game changer with newborns! You don’t have to worry about pushing floppy newborn legs into pant legs. You don’t have to worry about trying to do up zippers when you’re exhausted and sleep deprived.
2. Baby nail clippers – I didn’t actually pack these initially, I had Michael bring them the day after Junior was born. He was born with super long nails (and has continued to grow them like crazy!) and kept scratching me when he was nursing. Most of the stuff that you need for baby, the hospital has, but they didn’t have these.
3. Blanket/swaddle – Again, the hospital has blankets, but I like to bring one that is a piece of home. Also, I am terrible at swaddling, so I love the Happiest Baby or Freshly Picked swaddles, that take the wrapping at out of it.
4. Going home outfit – This is the time to go crazy! Find the cutest outfit that suits your style. Ted came home in a Harry Potter themed outfit, and Junior wore dinosaur Little Brother pajamas.
5. Kimono style onesies – These are the BEST for when you’re in the hospital/first coming home. They are easy to put on (no trying to get floppy baby into a over-the-head shirt). They are also more forgiving of the belly button/umbilical clip that can get caught on an over the head shirt.
Getting ready to go home, wearing the comfiest pjs around.
As for myself, I packed a bit more but still tried to keep it minimal. The last thing you want is to be juggling a lot of stuff while having contractions!
1. Nursing friendly pajamas – I love these because they fit the bump the last few weeks of pregnancy, and I’m still wearing them 7 weeks postpartum! So soft and easy for nighttime feeds.
2. Blanket – Some people bring blankets and pillows, but I am okay using hospital pillows (trying to keep it minimal). If you have a special pillow, bring it! Make your stay feel cozy.
3. Nursing pillow – Honesty time. I didn’t bring my Bobby for nursing. After the traumatic birth of Ted, I sat on the Boppy for weeks. It took the pressure off of my stitches and made sitting comfortable. So I brought it this time, just in case that happened again.
4. Slippers – Socks work too! Just something to keep the hospital chill off of your toes. Again, go with whatever makes you comfortable.
5. Toiletries – I didn’t wash my hair while I was in the hospital, but I did shower ASAP after birth. I also had my makeup in there too. Doing my makeup makes me feel like a person and ready for the day, so I brought it as a in-hospital selfcare item.
6. Breast pump – If you are planning on pumping at all, I would suggest bringing your pump to the hospital. Will you use it, most likely not. But you can work with the on site lactation consultant to make sure you feel confident in how your pump works, and checking that you are using it correctly.
7. Going home outfit – I chose a flowy, chambray dress as my going home outfit. It’s not too fitted or tight, so it was comfortable. I was able to dress it up a little for some pictures too. Depending on the time of year that you give birth, you may also need to add a coat, or wear a shirt/joggers combo.
8. Support bloomers – These support bloomers from Bao Bei are a MUST HAVE postpartum. They are seamless, so they don’t irritate stitches. They are lightly compressing, so they provide just the right amount of support. And they are cute!
9. Long phone charger – You will need the longest phone charger you can find. Hospital beds are notoriously far away from plugins and you will be hanging out in your bed for most of your stay.
10. Nursing bras – I have been loving the pull down version of nursing bras this go ‘round. Last time, I used the clip ones. They work great, but sometimes Ted would be fussy and I would fumble around trying to clip or I clip my bra and it was inconvenient.
That was all that I brought with me! The hospital provides SO much stuff, that it seemed silly to me to bring it all with me. Especially since I ended up driving myself to the hospital! (See Junior’s Birth Story)
First day at home!
I hope this helps you to figure out what you will pack. Like all things in motherhood, do what is right for you. No two moms (and no two babies) are exactly the same. Enjoy your journey!
Living in Plaid 