Tag: SAHM

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Hair Training

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When Ted was 10 months old Michael’s National Guard unit had JRTC, so he was away for a month. It was the first time he was gone longer than a weekend since Ted was born & I was teaching full time (with an hour commute). Needless to say, I didn’t have a lot of extra time on my hands. I was looking for any way to cut back on time consumers as much as possible. One of the big time ‘wasters’ was how long it took to wash, dry, & style my hair.

2 months after starting, my hair was so healthy!

In my search to find ways to minimize the time I spent on my hair, I found Jasmine Rae Hair Co & her hair training method. When I started I was going 2-3 days, 4 if it was a weekend, between hair washes. Jasmine teaches the science behind scalp stimulation, oil distribution, and hair types.

For me, that meant using dry shampoo in my bedtime routine (so that it could really soak in overnight), using a boar bristle brush to move oils down the hair shaft, and adding a day between washes every week. For example, if you are washing every day, do every other day for a week. If you was every other day, do every 3 days, and so on. This gives your scalp time to realize that it doesn’t need to produce as much oil, since you’re not stripping it every day.

2.5 years later, and over a year between trims.

The longest I’ve ever gone was 16 days (April 2020 was a wild time!), but I usually wash once a week. I can push to 10 days if I have an event or something (or if mom life is overwhelming). This has allowed my hair to grow more quickly, healthier, and be easier to maintain. Other things that I’ve done to help this process are: use a silk pillowcase, use a scalp massager in the shower, and invest in high quality hair products. I don’t feel as bad spending $$ on expensive shampoo if I’m only using it once a week.

I am continuously working to simplify our life, so we can spend more time doing the things we love. This is especially important when I’m solo parenting, and time is a luxury. I love finding ways to make life easier, and sharing them with you!

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: October 8, 2022

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It’s Baby Week! Well, maybe. Technically she’s due tomorrow, but who knows when she’ll arrive.

This week I had to go back and read my Hospital Bag post from 2 years ago to remember what to pack for this go ‘round. 😅 There are a few things that I’m adding, so I’ll do an updated post about that coming up. I also switched up some of my postpartum must haves, and I’ll let you know which I prefer.

This pregnancy has been my easiest, as far as her & I are concerned. Least nausea, least sciatica, least SPD. HOWEVER, being in the 3rd trimester while moving and chasing after 2 young children is no joke. While I have felt good, I have been unable to keep up with their activity levels and that has been SO frustrating. As we have entered the final week(s) I keep reminding the boys, and myself, that I’ll be back to playing (slowly) soon!

We have done a lot of prep work to get the boys ready to be big brothers. From reading books, to pretend play, to planning her ‘birthday party’. We have been making the transition as fun as we can, while also holding space for the big feelings that will come from it. There’s a blog post coming all about this transition too!

Overall, impending baby has been the #1 focus around here and we cannot wait for her to arrive!

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: September 24, 2022

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Michael was gone for CTE the last 10 days. The first week we did great! Our routines held us through the transition and helped keep things from feeling too ‘different’.

There were some moments of big emotions and missing Papa, but overall we were on top of things. Until both boys got sick. Then everything hit the fan. Ted was out of school for 4 days, due to an on/off fever. Neither boy was sleeping well, so neither was I (which is extra awful when you’re 37 weeks pregnant). We were blessed enough to have my Mother in Law visiting those 4 days, so we weren’t totally up the creek, but it definitely threw us off.

Now that we’re all feeling better, and Michael is home, we are ready to have a fresh start into our routines before Baby Girl gets here & throws it all out of whack again!

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Discipline, Not Punishment

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This week on Instagram we put a spotlight on the big D. Discipline.

Discipline has gotten a bad rep because most of us associate it with harsh punishments. But have no fear, discipline is NOT the same as punishments. In fact, punishment-free parenting hinges on discipline!

Let’s bring back this form of discipline!

So what’s the difference? Discipline comes from the Latin roots meaning ‘to teach’. We use discipline to set boundaries and teach our children what they need to know. Punishment is defined as ‘the infliction of a penalty as retribution for an offense’. Knowing these two definitions, it is easier to see how one is more effective, in the long term, than the other.

If we aren’t using punishments, what do we do when our child misbehaves? In a word, consequences. There are 3 types of consequences:

1. Natural Consequences. Natural consequences don’t require any intervention on our part, they just happen! Some examples are being cold when you don’t wear a coat, feeling hungry if you don’t eat enough at a meal, scraping your knee when you fall.

2. Logical Consequences. Logical consequences are related, reasonable, respectful actions that we take when our child misbehaves.

They are related to the misbehavior; cleaning up a spill, fixing something that is broken, time away from an activity, etc.

Reasonable means that ‘the punishment fits the crime’ (please excuse the phrase 😅). If a child throws a toy in a temper tantrum, putting ALL of their toys in the trash would be an overreaction. If a child does something dangerous, a more serious consequence is needed.

The hardest part for those of us who are relearning how to parent is respectful. Often we fall into the trap of shaming/blaming the child, when often they literally do not have the brain development to do something else. The easiest comparison I can make is how would you feel, as an adult, if your boss spoke to you that way at work. If you would feel demeaned, condescended, etc. then it is a good idea to check your tone & word choice. I like to pretend I’m David Attenborough and narrating the behaviors of a wild animal. When my tone is neutral, or even curious, it promotes problem solving and let’s them know I’m on their team.

3. Imposed Consequences. These are the most similar to traditional punishments, and I rarely use them. Like, I can’t even think of a time that I have. Most imposed consequences that I’ve seen come from a place of frustration and disregualtion in the parent. If you’re thinking ‘this is me 😬’, we’ve all been there, parenting is hard!

Validating feelings can go a LONG way to helping your child cooperate.

So how do we move from reactionary imposed consequences to calm logical consequences? Planning. Explain your expectations and what the consequence will be BEFORE it happens. Before you get out of the car, ‘We are going to the grocery store. I expect that you’ll stay near me and follow directions. If you are having a hard time with that, you’ll have to sit in the cart.’ Before you get out the bikes, ‘You can ride between the stop sign and the streetlight. If you go beyond that, we will have to come inside.’ This sets them up for success, and they won’t be surprised if you have to enforce those boundaries.

The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries : May 28, 2022

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So many exciting things in the last two weeks! We found out where we are moving: Ft. Bragg, NC. We are very excited because it is close to Michael’s family and the boys will be able to spend more time with their cousins. Now we are preparing for the move, and I’ll have more detailed blog posts about those steps coming up.

Our other exciting news is we found out that our new baby is a little GIRL! Michael is over the moon and ran around announcing it to everyone he saw. I’m still processing having to change my language from ‘the boys’ (see above) to ‘the kids’.

Baby girl will be joining us in October!

We have continued fighting the War of the Fleas, with moderate success. I haven’t managed to completely eradicate them yet, it takes a bit more time & energy than this solo mama has. But we are making steady progress. Chester is fed up with me constantly brushing him, multiple baths a week, & getting haircuts every other week. But I know he’ll thank me when they’re gone.

Making time for silliness, even amongst the chaos
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Quality Time with Your Kids

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Recently on Mr. Chazz’s instagram there was a great conversation about ‘Generational Wealth vs Generational Health’ which boiled down to the quantity of time parents spent at work/home compared to the quality of the time parents spent at home. I thought this topic was so important it needed its own post.

The general consensus by his 230K followers was that the QUALITY of time is more important than the QUANTITY of time that we spend with our families. Whether that means you’re working 12 hour shifts and only have family time on the weekends, or if your deployed and spend 10 months away, or if you’re a Stay At Home Mom and spend all day with your kids, it doesn’t matter too much. It’s how you spend that time that counts.

This feels especially important (and relevant) to our family right now. Michael has spent 14 of the last 16 months away from home, and I have spent ALL of that time with the boys. Michael worries that he has spent too long away & I worry that I am constantly distracted by the 1.3 million things that need to get done each day. I know I have fallen into the trap of feeling like I spend all day with my kids & I just need some time to myself each day (which is true), and I end up justifying not being present and playing with them in the name of ‘me time’. Not my best moments, but recognizing the need for change is the first step.

So now that we know we need to be present with our kids, not just physically there and mentally miles away, how do we do it? Does this mean that I am 100% focused on only my kids from the time I get home until they go to bed? Not necessarily. If that works for you, go for it. When I was teaching I only got about 2 waking hours each weekday with Teddy, so I spent all of those 2 hours doing things with him. But for most of us, that’s not possible.

So how much time DO we need to spend 100% engaged with our kids each day? As little as 5-10 minutes makes a HUGE difference in the lives of our children. Here are my tips to creating the habit of quality time every day.

  1. Start small. Lasting change takes time. Start with 5 minutes a day and build up from there. Some days you’ll need to be done at the end of that time, and other’s you will end up playing for an hour. Set yourself up for success by making your goals achievable.
  2. Start a timer. If you can clear your mind of the millions of tasks that need to be done & immerse yourself in your child’s world for 5 minutes, that will make a world difference to them. By having an end time, it is easier for our brains to be able to put aside the distractions and focus until the timer goes off.
  3. Keep it simple. You don’t have to build elaborate pillow forts or make homemade slime every single day (although those can be fun activities every once in a while). Follow your child’s lead and join in what they are already playing. Snuggle up and read their favorite books together. Get out some crayons and color while chatting about your days. Ted’s favorite is for the whole family to run around the backyard being ‘chased by raptors’ (we’re going through our dinosaur phase).
The Mom Diaries

Mom Diaries: April 30, 2022

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In this series I will be sharing the current challenges I am facing as a mom of an (almost) 4 year old and (almost) 2 year old.

They get along, most of the time..

The last 2 months have been the first time in my life that I am a SAHM with both kids home full time. Last year when Michael was deployed, Ted was enrolled in an Early PreK program, so I only had Jr at home. So this has been a whole new world for all of us. There was definitely a learning curve, which is why I took a few months off, but now that we’ve found our groove, we’re ready to go!

Our most recent adventure has been potty learning. Yikes. I kept putting it off and putting it off, even though Ted showed signs of readiness before we moved to Texas, because I knew we had SO MANY changes coming and I didn’t want to be constantly dealing with regressions and feeling like we were failing. But after a new brother, moving, Michael deploying, starting a new school, moving again, Michael coming home, Michael leaving again, and another move coming up, I decided that it was not worth waiting for stability because we’d be waiting forever. Overall, it’s going well. Jr is also very interested, even though he isn’t quite ready yet. But we’re rolling with it and involving him in the process as much as possible.

Best friends

This week we (by we I mean, I) implemented some new routines/goals around the house. It has helped tremendously to have the house in better shape. My goals are to do a complete load (wash, dry, put away) of dishes and laundry every day. I have struggled with this because with only 3 people (do the toddlers count?) we don’t make a ton of dishes or a ton of laundry each day. So I got into the habit of waiting until everything was full before I washed it. This became a problem on the days were I was overwhelmed, tired, or just plain ol’ ran out of time to get it done when it NEEDED to be done. Then it was intimidating knowing there was SO MUCH that was piled up. Now, even if the dishwasher is only half full, I run it every evening. This has allowed our kitchen to be a more hospitable place, where we (I) want to cook. It also frees up my brain space to do more with the boys. I have found myself to be a better mother because I am less stressed. Surprise, surprise.

We have been making a point to spend as much time as we can outside every day. It is getting to the point, in Houston, where the unbearable heat/humidity of summer is quickly approaching. We go on walks, go to the park, or play in the backyard every day. We’re even planning a picnic lunch for next week! The benefits of getting outside are innumerable. So far this year we have logged 94 hours outside, using the 1000 Hour app. I admit that I’m not the best about filling it in every day, so we probably have more. My goal for is 750 hours for the whole year, which is just over 2 hours a day. We easily hit more than that on days that we are at the zoo, at the park with friends, or swimming at Grandma & Grandpa’s house. But there are days where we are lounge, or it’s storming, so we don’t get outside much, if at all.

Cheese!

I am excited to share more of our everyday adventures with you here! Mom Diaries posts will be every other week, so I’ll see you here in May!