We’ve had a few different experiences with childcare over the years. Finding people that you trust your precious little ones with is no small task. In some areas there are waitlists for months!

I did NOT know that when we were pregnant with Ted. So we were right up to the wire trying to find a place. We looked into a local daycare center, but it smelled of mothballs and we were not impressed. So we reached out on Front Porch Forum (a local message board email list) for anyone who could recommend a trusted facility. (Local recommendations are KEY to finding a good place.) The owner/operator of a soon-to-open in-home play school reached out to us, and we went to check it out.

We arrived at the walkout basement that was the daycare area of the house, and we’re greeted by big windowed doors and wagging tails. We immediately felt at home & the more we talked with Ms. Jessie, the more comfortable we felt. Ted started at 4 months old, and continued there until we moved in October 2020. I can’t tell you how many times over the last year I wish we could have brought them with us, or not moved so that he could stay there.

When we moved to Houston, it took a few months before we were looking for a preschool program for Ted. After reaching out to friends/family the programs they recommended weren’t accepting new students until the new school year. That wasn’t going work for us (it was February). So I reached out to other programs and private schools to find some that did have openings.

When I toured the schools the questions that I asked were mainly focused around developmental and emotional expectations. We had a lot of big changes that year (COVID, little brother, moving, deployment) and I wanted to be sure that the environment I was sending my child to was aware of the potential causes of big emotions. Both schools were understanding and had programs that allowed for free play and physical movement.

The deciding factor for me was their approaches to potty training. Potty training is a huge step and brings its own challenges. I am a huge proponent of picking your battles, and forcing potty training is a battle I didn’t want to fight. So I went with the program with a ‘follow the child’ policy for potty training.

As Ted is finishing his time there, and we plan our next move, I am grateful for the care and compassion that they have shown Ted during the hardest year of all of our lives.

My biggest advice is trust your gut. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

In 2021 I have flown from Houston to DC & back, with my (then) 2 year old & 11 month old, by myself AND road tripped from Texas to Utah/Nevada and back with my (now) 3 year old & 1 year old, half of which was by myself. 😳

We all survived & I’m here to tell you that you can too! Some of my key takeaways were:

1. Know your child’s developmental stage and adjust your expectations accordingly. How long can they sit still? How often do you need to stop for bathroom breaks? What kind of food can they easily (and safely) eat while you travel?

2. Accept help when it’s offered. (Thank you to the wonderful flight attendant who helped Ted off of the plane while my hands were full with Jr and my in-laws who road-tripped with us from KS to NV & back!)

3. Novelty is your friend! The first 30 mins of the road-trip Ted was content to sit & look at all of the sights, no entertainment needed. By day 5 Grandma had a bunch of ‘presents’ for him to unwrap; including a pop-it, robot voice mini megaphone, new books, window stickers, etc.

4. Try to have fun. Give yourself grace and enjoy the memories being made with your kids. It will be hard and feel stressful at times, but these are the moments that you will look back on fondly in years to come!

Positive Parenting. Gentle Parenting. Positive Discipline. Parenting with the Child in Mind. All have a similar theme of respect and connection as the core philosophy. I use the term Gentle Parenting because it’s what works for me, if there is another term that works for you, go for it!

Why am I so passionate about Gentle Parenting?

I have seen these methods work effectively in schools over the last 6 years, and when it was time for Michael and I to define our parenting style, I knew what direction I wanted to go. I was listening to Positive Discpline Tools for Teachers by Jane Nelson and Kelly Gfroerer (audiobooks are a mom’s best friend) when Ted reached the age where testing boundaries is a developmental milestone. We, as parents, were deciding what aligned with our values and would help our boys grow into empathetic, responsible, respectful adults.

Gentle Parenting is hard. For many of us, it is not how we were raised & breaking ingrained habits is not easy.

Then, why do we do it? Because we KNOW that it is a better way. And when we know better, we do better.

Does that mean that I’m the perfect mom who never loses it, is always happy, and my children behave perfectly. Absolutely not. What it means is that I try my best every day. I model strategies for managing my big feelings. I model apologizing when I yell or lash out. It means that I don’t take their behavior personally, and try to figure out the ‘why’ behind it.

Setting limits and enforcing boundaries are CRUCIAL to Gentle Parenting. Children will push them (sometimes with a battering ram), and our job is to remain calm and hold the line. There will be times when they are not happy about this. That’s okay.

Gentle Parenting is NOT Permissive Parenting

I am an enneagram type 9. I am non confrontational. I am a peacekeeper. It is just part of who I am. So when I became a parent (and teacher) the traditional authoritarian style did NOT suit me. It felt like I was walking around in my mother’s high heels & falling all over the place. Authoritative styles (Gentle Parenting, etc) we’re a better fit for us.

If you are looking for more information on authoritative parenting, I highly recommend The Whole Brain Child by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne.

The basics are allowing all feelings, behavior is communication, and being firm but kind. I am continuing to learn and grow in this topic. These are my top 3 resources for this parenting style (or similar). I have learned so much from these women and hope that you can too!

One of my passions in parenting has been learning how to raise my kids into kind, empathetic, thoughtful people. One of the most helpful strategies for me is ‘gentle parenting’.